Application for Marriage

Application for marriage

**the purpose of this is to take out a lot of unnecessary confusion and pointless dates**

(Instructions- copy and paste this into a Word or similar document, fill out, be as detailed as necessary, and turn in your application. If it makes it past the initial review, you may be asked for a live interview)

Now accepting applications, dating is a preliminary option, but marriage is the future goal.

P.S.- (women, you may use this survey and adapt it to your needs, but it is copyrighted by me, fine, I don’t care)

-Are you ready to take the plunge by 2009? (seriously preferably before 2010)(oh, and are you at least 22, but not older than 29 right now?)
-Do you want kids at least sometime in the next 8 years?
-How humorous are you and what measures will you take to prove it?
-What do you think about natural deodorant? (and the like)
-Do you like country and consider it real music? (If yes, leave now)
-Cats? Will you live with them? Do you love them ? Could you?
-Are you intimidated by a sexilicious, borderline genius, funny funny lady?
-Music- what do you play/what would you could you play? Why do you like or listen to music?
-What are your thoughts on the saying “Money doesn’t grow on trees?”
-Career/occupation- what do you do now? What do you hope or aim to do? Why? What motivation have you for making money? How much money is necessary?
-Are you down with being a stay-at-home dad or having me be a stay-at-home mom? What about paying a nanny eventually?
-Do you like dysfunction? Do you know what it’s like or did you grow up with it? Please write a short book about your past and the role of dysfunction in it?
-What about arguing? Do you always think you’re right (please)? Do you like yelling? I don’t.
-What do you think of technology and how apt are you at using it?
-Do you like coffee or tea? Both? How much do you enjoy them?
-What do you think of when I say ‘good and evil’?
-Do you believe in God/higher power-type? Who, where, what, how, why when? This is an important subject, so face-to-face conversation may be required.
-Sports- elaborate on your feelings (if while you respond, you get angry or cry, stop the application)
-Cars- do you drive a hot one? What do you think about rare BMWs?
-Are you addicted to _____ (fill in the blank)? Alcoholism and drug addiction are unacceptable, enjoying good wine and quality beer are encouraged
-How introverted/extroverted are you? Please take the Myers-Briggs personality test and give me your results.
-Are you adventurous and spontaneous? Compulsive or impulsive?
-Foreign languages- do you know any? If no, why the froop not? Will you learn one from/with me? Hello husband and I WILL travel! And the kids will learn foreign languages from birth.
-Would you live in a foreign country? Which ones/for how long/why? You must be up to travel to almost anywhere.
-Nature- you love it? Well what does ‘the environment’ mean to you?
-Political views- oh dear, I cannot even begin to explain mine…what do you think of the government? Are you brainwashed?
-Just because I almost have my Masters does not mean that you even need a bachelors, but you must be far above average intelligence- if you have been schooling yourself, all the better, but you better show it in everyday life (I want interesting conversations)
-Sanity- you must have your mental illnesses in check, but fear not, they do not exclude you
-Miscellaneous- for safety and security issues, sexuality will not be discussed in this survey, but obviously you must be heterosexual and have a libido, and believe in the values of monogamy. That’s important.
-Other- please add information of value here. Thanks! (15 page maximum)

Eligible men- to qualify, you must be between the ages of 22 and 29 (or thereabouts), free of disease, care about things that are not yourself or limited to idiocy, want children at some point, care about marriage itself and the value of working on relationships, be able to handle an awesome person like me, and care about bettering yourself and humankind.

And take note, I have high expectations for myself in all these areas as well as many others, and you will obviously be able to ask me about any of these or other issues once a possible relationship possibility is mutually established.

Thank you, and best wishes in finding me (your future wife) or someone else, if that’s what you’re looking for.

4 Responses to Application for Marriage

  1. paola says:

    What were those people at craigslist talking about, I don’t think this is excessive at all.

    And I love that dating is a preliminary OPTION, this whole thing made me laugh. You should ask for a complete, in-depth, notarized psychiatric evaluation.

  2. pervaiz says:

    myself marriage

  3. ras duh says:

    word. i agree and yes, you are crazy for writing this up.

  4. Bhealthier says:

    oh i like this. At first I thought you were implying that you had ordained yourself so that you could marry people .

    Would you do that? I would love it if you wanted to marry other people and especially because I would ask you to marry me and jeff.

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