And then there’s the August Complaint. It’s not just an old-wive’s tale about bodily function.

I lost a cousin to suicide, and left behind him is one of my childhood friends and their three children. That alone is a huge toughy. And then there is other stuff, some of which I’m not comfortable personally disclosing, and there’s a young girl who got brain cancer in my community, and it just all plain SUCKS. So much. A big pile of poo. Explosive diarrhea suck.

That’s what the August Complaint started out as, a civilized way to say that you’re likely to get diarrhea in August. But, alas, it’s turned out to be a metaphor for this month of trying times. I am optimistic, and I have a lot to be thankful for, but part of me wonders if life isn’t playing a cruel trick on my mind and the minds of others close to me.

A good friend said something like this, “I still believe there is a God, but that’s about it.” It’s not that there’s nothing to work towards, or to be happy about and/or proud of, it’s just that D$%N these are some difficult times to live in in this society. I think.

I’m not sure. I’m not even experiencing any sort of normal going-back-to-teaching/school anxiety-depression combination. I’m just sort of bewildered.

And that’s my August Complaint.

you’ve seen this, right?! i love when the green thing asks the carrots and green beans “why are you sad?” but it sounds like “sat”…it’s so gross and pleasant.

if you are sat, you should figure out if you’re just sad, or if you’re depressed. read this to help you decide.

i’m a little sat. i’m too scared to tell you why. ask me in person.

In my dream, suddenly, I remembered it was my first day of teaching, and I realized I was late. Not just late, but absolutely unprepared- no clue what I was going to do. Part of the fear of not knowing what to do has to do with a lack of real planning this Summer, but probably moreso because when I jumped in as a sub, I had to teach a level four honors course, and the book was so confusing and difficult to teach. The chapter I went through with them was on technology, and one of the segments was called “What Will Life Be Like in The Year 2000?”.

But I was dreaming that my course had to do with ethics, so I was quickly coming up with ideas. I would have them write about themselves, and then a situation where their values were questioned. Something vague like that. And then I remembered it all had to be in French!

I know students have nightmares where they didn’t do their homework, or worse, didn’t finish a paper or project, and it’s a regular phenomenon in the academic world. But are students aware that a similar phenomenon can plague teachers. Often, for me, the nightmares are about getting up late for school. Which was funny, because in the dream I had a bunch of time discrepancies, and other small questionings, which eventually led me to jump up out of bed. And, mind you, early, on my last day of an actual vacation.

I was reassured that within a few minutes, another teacher friend from afar had written about a similar experience she had in July. Guess it does happen to the best of us.

So no, people, teachers do not have it easy all Summer. Sometimes it gets painful having so much free time, sometimes we have regular bad dreams about work, and I think it could all be balanced out by doing that prep and work throughout the Summer, but, alas, you see, that would ruin my Summer. Sort of.

then i have certain doubts. but really i think the doubts come from routine patterns. and my patterns have changed. like, self-doubt, or loathing, or insecurity, on that level, in that way, things have changed.

i am more confident, i’m at a more secure level of existence, for a number of reasons somewhat too lengthy to sufficiently cover (and not to mention i couldn’t and wouldn’t)…but, really, i am happy.

i have changed quite a bit. do i know for sure, all the things i want and need in this world? in a word, no.

have they changed? yes. have i? certainly. have i figured it all out? no one EVER will.

I always feel like I have so much to do, even though it’s the Summer. It’s amazing how the days fly! I did accomplish one goal today, sending out for my transcripts for my new job, but, that’s small. It really does almost shock me how time flies. And it is flying, considering I’m not eating!

Back to business, and hydration. Will blog again soon. And, because I’m blogging about my juice cleanse, that means I’m definitely hitting 2 of my 3 big Summer goals- blog more, juice more. Running? Well, not gonna be running much (if at all) during this cleanse.

So a juice fast seems logical. Well, I was looking it up today, and I’m not completely certain, but since I am in fairly good health, I’ll give it a try, with a goal of 7 days, and see what happens. I will chronicle it here, I guess.

Videos should make it fun, and more interesting for everyone!

In the Summer I find myself susceptible to a lot of time-wasting, and a lot of random treasure finding.

It makes me enjoy life more, all the random humor, so long as I don’t spend too long wasting time. Facebook is the real culprit for that.

Well, that, or, the Hills.

I admit it…I’ve watched all too many an episode of the Hills, whereas before I hardly had ever seen them on the telly. Ugh. What can you do? Everyone’s got embarrassing little secrets.

Who knows how we arrive to conclusions, or to certain spots, even corners, in our lives?!

I’ll leave you with this thought- the Onion is funny for so many reasons.

♥ It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Database of Awesomeness ♥

It has links to each of the five seasons of the awesome show, and an additional link for videos, fun, and other stuff.

I have diligently spent about 1.5 hours on it so far, so that’s pretty good. The other day I was watching Arrested Development and working on my Arrested Development quote database. Check that out!

I’m doing a pretty good job here with the blog. This is quality stuff that will bring in the readers!

The other goals, like running (ughh, it’s hot!), and debt-diggin, need some improvement. I may juice today, so that will take care of the #1 (though not ranked in order) goal.

I also have to remind myself that if I did nothing all Summer that would be ok. But. It certainly wouldn’t be ok with me and my expectations. So I’ll aim to not pretend that I have/set huge, high goals, and instead work from the motto of “It’s Summer. Doing Anything is Way Better than doing Nothing!”

I have an over-achievement problem. Alright. Anyway, stay tuned for updates and cool blog additions, maybe a change of format?! And to hear more about the stuff I’m willing to share with an unknown audience.

A lot has happened recently. And a lot will happen. This will be the best Summer ever!!! So excited!!!!

(Great post, I know)

To add to the excitement of this post, I’ll put up some goals I’ve developed for my Summer.

1) Juice at least once a week. Got an Omega something something awesome juicer. Ideally I’d say every other day, but I know that’s a) expensive, and b) time-consuming. So I’ll say once a week and solidly go for that, to start.

2) Run at least once a week. And come up with some sort of motivation! Last year I decided to do (and start training for) a 1/2 marathon. That forced me to run pretty good all Summer. I need something like that, but not to that extent. I am lucky to enjoy running, but haven’t been doing it much at all, and hotness demotivates me.

3) Blog at least once a week. There we go. That’s some good motivation to get this place back up and running. I have a lot to say, to share, to show. So, let’s get this show on the road.

4) Pay off debt to get toward Savings! This is a great one. The first step is some sort of budgeting which I have yet to ever do. I’m scared to see the obvious (I spend/have debt for more than I make). At least, that’s what it seems. And I’m moving into a position where I can have hope- if I focus, figure out, and finish. So that’s a great goal. I will update you on progress with honest blogs.

I’ll let you know about all of this as the Summer progresses. If I forget, remind me, oh loyal readers!

I’m very excited for making this money, and then getting to enjoy me some Summer. However, in the meantime, I will enjoy my life, as much as I can, getting up around 6am every day! (Who can believe that?!)

Things could be changing soon, I don’t know. They are going to. They definitely are/have been.

I am excited for life. Very, very happy to know more about myself all the time. The most important part is givin’ it up to God!