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Erykah Badu has a shirt that says that. I want it. I want one like it. Might I be able to make one myself? I’m not sure. I think I would. Perhaps soon. Twould be good. Things are good. I am certain of it.

Life is good. I need some pics from Christmas. They’re on my phone, but I have not recently found my camera, at all.

I will give you more info about this wonderfulness called life in a few days. I need to be patient. I also am aiming to get some stuff done. I wanted to be “productive” and then had to stop and ponder what this “productivity” I was envisioning really was.

It’s not in this blog, it’s not on twitter or my FB log, it’s not in the internet tubes, it’s not in having bigger boobs. It’s found in loving all the people around, making good sounds, and being enough to astound yourself by correctly flowing the universe’s good energy. I mean, maybe I drank a little too much Christmas spirit, but I think the times are a changin’.

i’m suffering seriously. i see no point in blogging about it. i’m not even going to get into it.

i just wish many months would have passed. instead, i have to exist and persist, and if i’m lucky, flourish.

let go and let God, right?

i read a Demotivator last night- CHALLENGES: i expected times like this, but i never thought they’d be so bad, so long, and so frequent.

i guess it’s comforting to think that more people than i’d think feel that way. it’s not good, but it’s a part of life. having ups and downs. and every (small) trauma gives you lessons.

but still, it’s tough.

I wish this wasn’t so scary, so I could use it to teach my students. I started to show one last year, but some of the kids got scared. Instead of thinking it’s funny. Someday.

It’s been a while since I put up a youtube video.

It’s been a while since I did stuff. And now I have more time, so I will make my own Telefrancais show!

Yeah, right. Yeah! Right!

I guess if you’re awesome, and organized, and don’t procrastinate, or waste hundreds of seconds, even minutes a day on thinking about, or be all upset about it, then it might not take up ALL of you time, but teaching just takes up WAYYYY too much time. (Nice run-on sentence, eh?!)

I don’t think I have the right personality.

And a veteran teacher of several decades was complaining that she felt like a new teacher (working constantly) because she’s teaching a new class.

Or this other teacher, she complained about all the emailing, and grading, and work she still has to do each night.

I don’t have time for this! Or the energy! Sure, I like it some days, but most of the time I don’t. What it comes down to is I do not like it more than I like it.

But what else would I do? How can I find another job if I don’t have the time or energy? What could I do that would make me enough money?

And what if I did, I would, I could, have a different life. I know it wouldn’t be perfect, but I think I am much more akin to A LOT of other things.

The working in the evening thing really gets me. It’s a constant cycle of procrastination, hatred, mixed feelings, lethargy, apathy, anger, sadness, fear, distrust, oh…wait…..I’m kidding there a little.

But I just don’t think it’s good for my personality, or for this stage of my life. Maybe I would come back to it if I were older, married, and had some kids who were already heading to school.

And what if I tried a 40-hour-a-week job and hated it? Or felt that I wasn’t doing anything useful for the world?

And what if it’s other things in my life that cause my problems with getting schoolwork done?

All I know is, as a friend recently reminded me, this is no dress rehearsal. This is life. And I don’t need to be doing something I’m unhappy with.

That said, I’m happy with it some of the time. And I feel like I’ll get fired for writing this, haha. But…I just don’t think I can do it anymore. And if I’m not proactive, I will get roped into doing another year to give it a try. I can’t do another year. I can’t even make it through this one!

Love,
A Mad Person

Running makes so many people so much better. Besides all of the health and fitness benefits, the most important thing for me is the mood improvement. And I bet it even helps with my quality of sleep.

Anywho, I did a longer run- 7 miles- haven’t run that far since like over 5 years ago.

I’m very excited about my Philadelphia Half-Marathon Running Training page and hope people enjoy the photos. Here’s a glimpse:

I love running, I really do, and I think a lot of people could learn to love it and may not even realize it.

I’d like more running partners, though! But usually my runs are very impromptu, and my pacing is all whack. Calling people to see if they’re available is a start, and if I want to continue running lots after the half marathon, I may try joining a running group.

I’m sad that I made my 1/2 marathon running training a page instead of blog post updates, because then nobody who sees it can/will comment!

I’m running the Philadelphia Half Marathon, which a running buddy told me is not the original one- the Philly Distance run is. But that’s okay, I would NOT be ready before November. Check out my page that goes over the ups and downs of not just the hills I run, but everything from the training plan, to my moods, and excuses and motivation.

I’m also running the Free to Breathe 5k on November 1st and I’m really excited about that because my father has lung cancer and he isn’t even a smoker. (I’ve come to read a lot about that stigma- there are tens of thousands of non-smokers a year dying of lung cancer).

I’m glad to be running- it’s really helping the lows I’m fighting due to being tired, overworked, and stressed about family stuff (and it’s hard to come to terms with the cancer thing).

I guess once I really get back into a schedule, and refocus myself to devote enough time and energy, it’ll be nice. And it’s something that always helps me feel better. Running, and sweating, and getting exerted.

I’d like a European vacation, and I definitely had wanted California, or a road trip, or camping. But I got a visit to Michigan. It had its ups and downs (visiting family always does, right? (for any families aware of their dysfunctions, that is, i guess)), but it was worth it.

I got to:

-go to the beach with my nieces
-get a sauna (we have one at our house)
-I did see some awesome meteors from the meteor shower, including one like I’d never seen before!
-get a massage!! (for a really good price, too, and it was quality!)

I’m glad to be home, even if it doesn’t come with an exotic vacation jet lag.

I really value my home, and my things, and am making progress towards wanting to get ready to go back to school

Got up at 5am. Feels fresh. Like the shore did.

But I’m already tired. Schedules might be nice someday.

Something so wonderful about relaxing at the beach. And using responsible sunscreen (which I *almost* succeeded at doing). The sun was very strong.

It was so great reminiscing with cousins and family, taking my niece in the ocean for her first time (she’s 8, and we had quite a ride for her first time!)

Lots to say, been so busy, but I really am enjoying my Summer. And I deserve it. Yes, I need to earn a little more money, I did set up some catering, and I will pursue that, but I have to remember a couple of things.

Family is so important, right now, and always. And I got a good dose of them, and will get more as the week continues In times like these, that is all that is important. Family, compassion, connection, and such.

I deserve vacations, relaxation, and enjoying doing very little during my Summer. It’s hard, but if I take care of the right things, and be aware, I definitely deserve things like a 2-day trip to the beach.

Good times. And I’m reading the book “Working on yourself doesn’t work”, which I will update the info on more later, as well as maybe getting a picture up here, but BOY AM I TIRED! It’s been a wild ride these past 5 days!

What do you deserve- have you been holding back? You definitely deserve peace and happiness. And maybe you deserve a beach trip too. Yum.

And I did run, and will be updating that more as well. Woowee goodnight!

I joined inspire.com two days ago when all I could do was cry about my Dad. I found it while doing a lot of searching on lung cancer and support groups. I joined it and a specific one for his type of cancer. It’s great! There are a lot of people on there with some success stories, and small steps of success. Way more inspiring than reading gloomy statistics on the web. And people are so supportive.

The cool thing about this site is you can choose a lot of health issues, or interests, and find like people. And there are a lot of them on there! I definitely recommend it, and like how it’s helped me feel better so far.

My Dad starts chemo in less than a week. Tomorrow I’m going to juice some veggies & fruits again. I’m looking for a better juicer on freecycle.

I also went running, and am doing my best to really get into training mode for the Philly half-marathon. You can read about my training journey here!