Category — Lettin' Loose!

Do you have the August Complaint? This has been one of the hardest August’s of my life. I have 2 very significant positive things- my dad’s cancer has improved so much, and it is looking really good right now- miraculously but not without a good attitude and healthy lifestyle; and; my brother’s wedding is coming up. That’s 2 big wonderful family things.

And then there’s the August Complaint. It’s not just an old-wive’s tale about bodily function.

I lost a cousin to suicide, and left behind him is one of my childhood friends and their three children. That alone is a huge toughy. And then there is other stuff, some of which I’m not comfortable personally disclosing, and there’s a young girl who got brain cancer in my community, and it just all plain SUCKS. So much. A big pile of poo. Explosive diarrhea suck.

That’s what the August Complaint started out as, a civilized way to say that you’re likely to get diarrhea in August. But, alas, it’s turned out to be a metaphor for this month of trying times. I am optimistic, and I have a lot to be thankful for, but part of me wonders if life isn’t playing a cruel trick on my mind and the minds of others close to me.

A good friend said something like this, “I still believe there is a God, but that’s about it.” It’s not that there’s nothing to work towards, or to be happy about and/or proud of, it’s just that D$%N these are some difficult times to live in in this society. I think.

I’m not sure. I’m not even experiencing any sort of normal going-back-to-teaching/school anxiety-depression combination. I’m just sort of bewildered.

And that’s my August Complaint.

have things changed so much? i think they have. the way i view myself and my life has drastically changed. and i made a big career move. so that there is enough to constitute a big amount of change.

then i have certain doubts. but really i think the doubts come from routine patterns. and my patterns have changed. like, self-doubt, or loathing, or insecurity, on that level, in that way, things have changed.

i am more confident, i’m at a more secure level of existence, for a number of reasons somewhat too lengthy to sufficiently cover (and not to mention i couldn’t and wouldn’t)…but, really, i am happy.

i have changed quite a bit. do i know for sure, all the things i want and need in this world? in a word, no.

have they changed? yes. have i? certainly. have i figured it all out? no one EVER will.

Watch this video from a genius of sorts! ashfordaisyak – check out other videos on youtube if you like it!

In the Summer I find myself susceptible to a lot of time-wasting, and a lot of random treasure finding.

It makes me enjoy life more, all the random humor, so long as I don’t spend too long wasting time. Facebook is the real culprit for that.

Well, that, or, the Hills.

I admit it…I’ve watched all too many an episode of the Hills, whereas before I hardly had ever seen them on the telly. Ugh. What can you do? Everyone’s got embarrassing little secrets.

Who knows how we arrive to conclusions, or to certain spots, even corners, in our lives?!

I’ll leave you with this thought- the Onion is funny for so many reasons.

I am in shock, pleasant disbelief, and even a little outraged at the fact that it is Summer for me! Finally!! I am just, so, unbelievably, excited!!!

A lot has happened recently. And a lot will happen. This will be the best Summer ever!!! So excited!!!!

(Great post, I know)

To add to the excitement of this post, I’ll put up some goals I’ve developed for my Summer.

1) Juice at least once a week. Got an Omega something something awesome juicer. Ideally I’d say every other day, but I know that’s a) expensive, and b) time-consuming. So I’ll say once a week and solidly go for that, to start.

2) Run at least once a week. And come up with some sort of motivation! Last year I decided to do (and start training for) a 1/2 marathon. That forced me to run pretty good all Summer. I need something like that, but not to that extent. I am lucky to enjoy running, but haven’t been doing it much at all, and hotness demotivates me.

3) Blog at least once a week. There we go. That’s some good motivation to get this place back up and running. I have a lot to say, to share, to show. So, let’s get this show on the road.

4) Pay off debt to get toward Savings! This is a great one. The first step is some sort of budgeting which I have yet to ever do. I’m scared to see the obvious (I spend/have debt for more than I make). At least, that’s what it seems. And I’m moving into a position where I can have hope- if I focus, figure out, and finish. So that’s a great goal. I will update you on progress with honest blogs.

I’ll let you know about all of this as the Summer progresses. If I forget, remind me, oh loyal readers!

Sounds like chang-a-lang-chang-chang-a-lang-chong from Badu’s “Southern Gul” song. Has to do with the change(s) in my life. They’re exciting. I can definitely already say I feel really different, more and more so. Let me get into some specifics. I’m enjoying substituting at a great public school. Yes, it’s a little difficult, because it’s the end of the year, and the grading is intimidating, but it’s a great experience, and the whole throwing-myself-in-head-first, has been good for my letting-go-of-perfectionism-in-my-ego type experience.

I’m very excited for making this money, and then getting to enjoy me some Summer. However, in the meantime, I will enjoy my life, as much as I can, getting up around 6am every day! (Who can believe that?!)

Things could be changing soon, I don’t know. They are going to. They definitely are/have been.

I am excited for life. Very, very happy to know more about myself all the time. The most important part is givin’ it up to God!

It looks like a hail storms a brewin.

Not quite sure what I’m trying to do, anywhere.

Interests are a key thing, so are interesting people, and so is an interest-bearing savings account.

Gotta keep yo’self occupied. No lies, no hidin. You gotsta be you. And I ain’t old-school…but I like it (old-school, you know)!

Reassuring myself I’ve been doing enough is a kindness. I recently realized I am in fact a perfectionist, and a needlessly ambitious one.

That said, my interests, such as examining and performing music, are a clear key to keeping myself real.

Oohhh weee it is gettin’ real dark out.

I’m lovin’ it. But. Sadly, I can’t go to the Erykah Badu concert because I’ll already be on my road trip! Yay! Road trip 2010 comin so soon. And my SUMMER!!! This one is inevitably going to be 70% better than last Summer, for a lot of reasons.

And I thank God for this. Hydration, and gratitude, are two huge keys to success.

Love to y’all!!!

I’ve been neglecting this poor blog, and so many other things. But maybe I’ve been living. Vibrantly. Instead. Alas, schoolteaching does take up an inordinate amount of my time, mostly due to the getting up early (and my faulty not going to bed early), the thinking about and wasting time procrastinating doing the work, and the whole being at work for ~8 hours a day. And then some days there is just a lot of work.

My life? It’s pretty good. It’s all about your mind perspective, and the present. You just NEVER know what might happen. I certainly didn’t. Now I really feel that I see things differently. Part of this might be due to some more regular integration of spiritual practice. In a real way. A heartfelt way. I am more conscious of my thoughts, patterns, actions, and words.

I’ve been neglecting this blog, but no one cares except for me, so that can be remedied.

I’ve been neglecting running, but I love it, and I have some real motivation to do it now.

I’ve been neglecting relaxation, and efficient time usage (what’s new there!), but I do only have a month until school is done. The real challenge would be more relaxing and efficient time usage while I’m still in school!

I’ve been doing a pretty good job on a personal level, with human relationships. And that’s valuable. The most valuable thing.

I’ll be back here again soon. No excuses, just gotta sort out what the real important stuff I’ve been doing/observing/collecting has been. Stay tuned (all you millions of readers…..)

And that’s ok. I am a serious overachiever. Addicted. Admitted. I recently realized again (as in, another level deeper), how much importance I place on “doing stuff”. Achieving. “Taking care of business”.

Some of it’s important, there will always be more adding up, but I am always thinking about wanting to do more. And I’ve also realized I need to just suck it up, and be ok with what I’m doing. More than just be ok, I need to recognize that I’m doing a lot. And I need to say, way to go, Amandoo.

Easier blogged about once than done regularly. I’ve been more aware of it, though, and I’m happy to say that awareness does cure all. As long as you keep being aware.

Simplifying life would be a good way for me to have less to actually have to get done. This can be done in a number of ways- and I’ve obviously been too busy to blog much, and I have to be okay with that.

I’m living it up. Creating more human ties. Relaxing. Accomplishing a modest, yet pleasant amount.

Note to all you overachievers out there- just stop it! Yes, it’s important to make goals and reach them, but there is a healthy limit, and way too many Americans are constantly working towards futility.

Work and being “busy” can be an addiction and a very misleading aim.

It’s been a while since I blogged, so I could get wordy, but I’ll try not to. I’m just so happy, and appreciative of life these days. Of course new love is something that makes everything seem better, but this love is a realistic and tender relationship that has helped me open my eyes, appreciate my life more, and change my perspective in a lasting way.

A wise man once said, “It’s your mind that needs to change, not the things it deals with”. We’re always saying “When this happens, this…”, focusing on how good things would be once…whatever change happened that may not ever happen. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.

For me, a great challenge has been learning how to appreciate my job more, and to realize that I really do like a lot of parts of it. And no matter what happens in the coming years with it (if I stay or go), I’m doing it right now, so I’ve been figuring out ways to make the dread of planning and grading more tolerable.

It’s a change in perspective that’s really made the difference.

As I said, new love is a great remedy for everything, helping you see the world through “rose-colored glasses”, but I’m happy to see that this love is more than just a “falling in love”. I read in a book on philosophy that if you “rise in love” instead of “falling”, then you can come into a state of love, and then you won’t end up falling out of love. It’s more complex than that, but that’s the idea I’ve kept in mind as I go through this relationship.

I’m not usually one to blog about my intimate, personal life like this, but this applies to my whole life, and since everyone just wants to be loved, that’s what I’m aiming to do. Love more, and bring more love into my life, into my being. That’s something everyone can do on their own, whether they have a “love” in their life or not, and if you don’t, well, you never know what might happen…I didn’t see this coming.

I am actually involved with a lot more positive feelings than I would have thought, coming into the final hours of my Christmas holiday vacation from teaching. It’s over, as in, I really oughta already be asleep. However, I am having 82% fewer bad feelings and thoughts than usual.

It is gonna SUCK @#$%^ getting up so early tomorrow, especially because I gave up coffee for a New Years’ resolution. Mmm, coffee.

But the no coffee thing has gone alright these past few days, besides me being tired and on a weird schedule involving too much sleep (store it up!). And I guess it’ll all get back on track eventually.

And other things are great. Even my attitude about teaching has changed, somewhat. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow, but I’m hoping I can bring some of the ethics of Zen-ness into the classroom, and to be relaxed, but authoritative, so the kids behave ok and don’t resent me.

I’m not sure how I really feel about the whole getting up so early all of the time thing, as far as my ability to do it in coming years, but I just don’t think it’s gonna be okay for much longer. That said, I didn’t do much over break to think of other options, but, I am glad that my life attitude changed. I feel heavily inspired, but cannot expound on this at this time, leaving all of my loyal blog readers forlorn, je sais.

In conclusion, enjoy breaks while you get them, and recognize that life keeps going on, and soon enough…Spring Break! hahahaha