Amandoo’s Handle of Realitumtum

i’m sure this will be among the first and foremost of any kinds of “internets” updates to 2oh8. i’m just justifying the earlier thoughts i had about 2008 being the greatest year ever. [fill in the blank why] a whole array of topics will be discussed tomorrow in my paper entitled “optimism: hoping and trying can get weak, hardcore positive outlook solidifies your lucky streak”.

i joke not, but i joke a lot. check it out. i had a few hours of 2008, and i want so much more.

and that’s coming from someone who is also heartbroken, after “doing the breaking”, and who knows not what to make of life on the whole (but still demands knowing that of oneself at all times). i had a great time. the best. friends came through, and then they did it again. in a whole New Year way!

(pictures to come tomorrow too- and they tell a bit more artistic side of the story)

so many great phrases and words out there that people have come up with. and we keep making more words too.

i am done with being down in the dumps, but i’ve only just begun. my life changed in a strange turn of events yesterday, but it is too soon to say more.

let’s just say i was going to write about all the fun happy christmas times and now i’m too depressed to. maybe i will later tonight, when i’m not depressed anymore.

ok. i’ll still be sad, but i’ll be hot tubbin’ it with some fine friends and what more could you ask for than that?!

let’s not get started with what i could ask for. this is good enough. i remind myself every few minutes- just live minute to minute! it’s very important to live in the present and this always comes back up when something tough happens.

i’m going to go read more of the delicious book i’m reading called “eat, pray, love”. i thought it’d be bottomy, and it kind of is, but it’s very well-written and a delight so far. i’ll let you know how it turns out.

in conclusion, there is no hope in the world.

Happy Birthday PB Wolf!
(boy oh boy i hope oct. 8th is his bday, if not, happy bday chad and anders!)

i adore stones throw more than a severe lactose-intolerant could ever loathe working as a taste-tester at a cold-stone creamery.

just look at all that ‘ish on their site! they’re always cooking up some delicious podcats.

i’m in love with each and every one of them based upon no spot in reality, no sport causality and no casual ties. i have no ties to any of them besides that tasty-fine music they make.

YET!

in honor of them (and in hopes that all my hard work will get me at least a hello from one of them when i come to LA-area this next week), i will now stay up for the next six hours until the post office re-opens (DAMN YOU FAKE HOLIDAY!) and i can collect my new 2K8 B-Ball Zombie War cd say Yeah!

i better make sixteen more blogs before i can have a new life.

what i mean to say is, i should go work on music and humor for a while, if not lyrical humor assembling.

i did have some weird parts of dreams though. like that cute mouse that i kept trying to find and carry places with me, especially after he got that check and took it and ran away. he still had the check when i found him, and i think this relates to my nagging sensation that i recently lost a check i need to cash. he would also bite me, which isn’t far from the love bites from my cats i recently have shared so much love with so here you go…….

luna yeti ubuntu, my special love of a cat:

:asked me to give her some water from the tap (she’s just a little spoiled like that as you can see in the photo she also drinks bottled water)

finally on a note about nothing but a humorous story indeed:

Couple divorce after online ‘affair’ (they were having with one another!)

i enjoy the humor of it, but don’t you feel like maybe if they saw this new person in their partner and felt that way, it could have been used to get some therapy/marriage counseling and re-kindle the flames of bottomy love?

it is funny, but i wish they could have used it to overcome the near-impossible. i’m not getting married anytime soon here people. but when i do! (i actually have no idea what i’m saying, it’s all hypothetical and we know how that ends up when it really plays out)

off to work!

Quasimoto – Microphone Mathematics

if this works, you might hear something full of glee for your ear.

quasimoto is my friend, and madlib’s new album is beyond if but or and………..freestyle freestizzle for shizzle get ya frizzle on, i got a different song, a new throng, no hex no lex no bets they’re off, i got to cut my hair off.

for now i must go, my rhymes are slow and ungenuieine i gotta go unwind, when the time is right i’ll emerge from the night and shine like no knight has ever shined before. i’m out da do’.

once upon a time exactly 18 days and two years ago (8.8.5) one mr. marky and i went for a little adventure. it started off as a simple walk along my hometown streets, and then we decided to take a turn for the exciting by hittin up the local nature trail. the foot wide path was a lot more nature than i had remembered; menacing foliage started invading our personal space. the path eventually disappeared and we were faced head on with something like a jungley swamp, complete with water buffalo and a couple o blades……..of grass. it was crazy. the foliage overtook our viewpaths and i just hacked it down to not appear afraid; lacking courage in one’s own hometownspace would not be viewed favorably upon by the greater group of guys and gals in the galaxy.

in short, mrak had to let go. let go of his knowledge of a walk in nature as he knew it, let go of keeping his shoes dry, let go of holding on to thinking he wasn’t having hallucinations.

i had to let go. of my concerns about being lost or eaten by the water buffalo, of my sense of time and place, of the paranoia about that water buffalo.

in the end, mark said it was the best walk he had ever in fact had. myself agreed. it was so wild, so crazy, our legs all scratched up, trampling down grass i would imagine you’d have seen where they found Moses in the basket in the water. i never knew this place existed right down the road from my house. i don’t think it does anymore and i know we could never go back there like we did that day.

i have to let go all the time. i have to remind myself in many instances of new times, hesitations, uncertainties, and upset emotions, and do something real bottomy like enjoy the old “beauty in the breakdown”. when i get the rage (shout out to nikki b), i have to stop myself and “i think to myself ‘what a wonderful world’”

letting go is that tough thing those meditators and buddhists always talk about. and i’m all like let’s go “down in the river to pray” or something similar because in whatever way you chill out, it’s the way to letting go of all that ick. ick is sick. and whack. it never passes me by, but i can pass on it occasionally and instead pass on some love and peace.

reloveution, horsebird, uncertainty about my future does not mean i am all uptight (though i have been), but overall we really do live in such a nice place. people just need to keep doing stuff.

on that note! i’m up for hire, agreement of myself to any service agreement is based on pay rate and on the grand moral scale of my one and only me.

i love you world, now go learn some french or violin (from me)

it’s the only thing i can solidly depend on, is not depending on anything in life. i got through a few channels of this in my brain and then realized some people might heretiquette me and say what what, did you forget about the G man? well maybe if you thought, hey, maybe it’s a woh!man!!! then that could be the start and we’d talk from there. i’m just being lighthearted, but mentioning that in my opinion it is far better to live a life with an open heart. start with that. you can define and argue all sorts of morals, values, points of view, and you will argue me to the arugula’s end, but just ask yourself if you’ve experienced or allowed yourself to understand both sides of a story?

i stand not free from this, i do not put myself above anything. i don’t know what below is. i still judge. but judge what. to me, live is constantly changing, breathing. though i worry i am not ‘growin enough’ as a personal growth journey type profectionist, i feel that i am growing in subtle ways. if i open my mind for a second, there are all the lessons i need, and delving into any sort of bottomy delve reflection is the type of thing i need to get my hopes back up.

you see, i started by saying ‘you can’t count on anything’. but it all matters how you see that age-old glass. is it half what? i say don’t be half-aced about it, just do it. whatever your wishes may be…..i started my newest life goal *(that at least at this point involves no monetary reward)* and i feel great about it. i am doing it. and i think already some real mover-forwarders have come of it. just doing and not thinking. oh. right. my point, to relate it all, is this.

one of the talker talk to’s tonight said the most important thing to her is to be honest and to be kind. that’s a really good start, a lot more difficult than that simple statement. if you start with that, then you can do whatever you want according to me. and in the most general meanings of those statements, i say, go forth, and change. change your depends before you soil thyself.

i intend to write a blog about how awesome realize philadelphia was, and i was only there for a few hours. imagine if i hadn’t had to have come home and pretended to do homework for hours, only to actually end up going on a five-to-seven mile walk all day. and then getting around to do homework from like 11pm to 345am, with a twenty minute visit the bro (who’s going back to MI and then moving to Houston!) and friends at that club place…..

i still need to do way more homework.

i’m so burnt from yesterday at that sunny festival that i’m way too hot. and then cold as well. shivery and i don’t know why. i should look that up.

so life is good. well. besides the not having all that homework done. and did i not say i was going to get on it this semester?

if you children find this blog, this post, you shall know it is bad to procrastinate, but it is okay. i’ve made it this far, and i’m okay. i also intend to become a teacher. and give only really awesome homework, if any. menos the grades maybe.

i should also intend to distract people from what they were doing, reading, etcetera.

but i do feel good. maybe it’s all that caffeine i didn’t drink. maybe it’s summer. i saw the sun(mmer) yesterday. i volunteered to cover someone’s shift today and that went okay.

i’m boaring the world with my words, but, alas,

i still have good intentions.

right?

p.s. sorry if you click on that link. apologies. i am not addicted, but i can’t stop loving him. why.

i feel like my blogs have been boring and depressing of late. maybe that’s how i feel about myself of late. well, i am sort of done school after tonight. sort of. it’s hard to say because a- i have not studied at all for my final, b- i’m not done some other schoolwork and c- i will still be taking an intensive summer course so whooptie-do(ne). yeah right. i will cherish up that sweet time off school, those few weeks, where, i, work.

i love eating lots of carrot juice and coffee juice and they seem to think fondly of me too. i freak out so easily. both good and bad. i think it’s all the coffee or the huggable delusions. i really leally love animals that i never see anymore. i’m random. it’s the #$%^&.

speaking of my profound sadness, melancholy, and woe, i agree with what everyone has been saying. but here is my proposal (and ps propose to me please)- there is almost nothing worse than being ‘broken up with’ by someone you ‘love’. (besides death, trauma, all those other nasty occurrences). but for your heart and relationships? it’s the worst.

because first of all, you have to get over something that you may have little reason and probably little motivation as well to do. then, you have the fact that who has the time or desire to go through all those negative and unpleasant feelings and the crying and the whatnot and hoo haa. then you have to deal with the fact that the breaker is all freakin fine and dandy and not to mention happily moving on to other things (and possibly people). (oh my sick murder of Teletubbies) and everyone else is randomly or occasionally sympathetic but what can they do besides that for a bit? and what can you do in mean(pain)time?

shove it! or shovel yourself into a tunnel of a new fake life! girls- go out there, get a fake tan, hang out with some other pre-second-decade-of-life carefree skincleave-exposing hotties who know where to find the best treats and to later groupuke them up (both food and hot boys) guys- keep shoving it and get a new video game or electronic device.

wow. i suck at pretending. and at making fun of people i hate. (and love)

(i wrote friday’s blog on a napkin while at the bar, saturday and sunday i couldn’t see out my eyes, and then i found some new spots of life. despite the cold hearted robots)

Friday- when I do see my friends I cherish every detail I learn about them that reinforces a heartfelt human connection between them and I, that lies anew beneath my humoristic (at times) robotlike exterior. It’s funny that some of my BFF’s (bottomy) have never read my ‘blog’ but I love those who do maybe just as much. They probably know more about me than my other friends do.

Saturday- ouch. My heart hurt a lot last night. Almost like it never has before. I know this because I woke up about every half hour with my heart pounding at unnecessarily excessive speeds. Oh my. It was awful.

Sunday- I saw ‘Stranger than Fiction’. I appreciated how it touched upon romance, but not grossly. I like how it was dramatic, but realistic enough that my temporary situational depression didn’t get caught up in it. I need to get internet. I need to do a lot of stuff.
But today I had another pleasant encounter with a friend. I went on a long walk with her all over town, and we talked about everything. So many good insights into life. Upon recently deciding to really break up my life, I have felt it. Felt the real. The real all of it.
It was good to hear her thoughts on her marriage and how it is both something wonderful exciting heartfelt and the like, and also enough of an endeavor that you still do go through the times of self-doubt or still have relational issues. I am not summarizing it well, it was very lively at the time and I was taken away with love for life.
What I mean? as I realize more and more that marriage is not something that could save me, but rather an adventure that I need to have 8 chariots of fire passion for both it and the guy, I appreciate hearing about my friends’ endeavors with it. And I don’t need it yet. But I look forward to developing my awesome life awesomely so that I can have a chance at snagging me some pirates.

I’m done with those thoughts. I have to go feed my blindness.