Category — L'Oventures (realationships)

It’s been a while since I blogged, so I could get wordy, but I’ll try not to. I’m just so happy, and appreciative of life these days. Of course new love is something that makes everything seem better, but this love is a realistic and tender relationship that has helped me open my eyes, appreciate my life more, and change my perspective in a lasting way.

A wise man once said, “It’s your mind that needs to change, not the things it deals with”. We’re always saying “When this happens, this…”, focusing on how good things would be once…whatever change happened that may not ever happen. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.

For me, a great challenge has been learning how to appreciate my job more, and to realize that I really do like a lot of parts of it. And no matter what happens in the coming years with it (if I stay or go), I’m doing it right now, so I’ve been figuring out ways to make the dread of planning and grading more tolerable.

It’s a change in perspective that’s really made the difference.

As I said, new love is a great remedy for everything, helping you see the world through “rose-colored glasses”, but I’m happy to see that this love is more than just a “falling in love”. I read in a book on philosophy that if you “rise in love” instead of “falling”, then you can come into a state of love, and then you won’t end up falling out of love. It’s more complex than that, but that’s the idea I’ve kept in mind as I go through this relationship.

I’m not usually one to blog about my intimate, personal life like this, but this applies to my whole life, and since everyone just wants to be loved, that’s what I’m aiming to do. Love more, and bring more love into my life, into my being. That’s something everyone can do on their own, whether they have a “love” in their life or not, and if you don’t, well, you never know what might happen…I didn’t see this coming.

Blog, Help Me! You’re the Only One Out There!

I just mad stalked facebook for a few hours while watching a TERRIBLE show on E! about celebrity plastic surgery jobs. Wow, what a way to spend time, right?!

And then I continued to facestalk, and I just refreshed a few times, and I noticed…..

….you ready for it?….

…..not one of my nearly 500 friends had put up a status update in the last hour……I was in shock.

I couldn’t believe it. Surely my internet must not be working right, or, more likely, facebook isn’t up to speed on all of those tasty status updates I’m missing out on.

And then I realized what a fool I’ve become. My last status update only got 1 like, and comments from my mom. I had to delete it (no offense, mom!).

I will readily admit that I’m going through rough times (read breakup reality setting in). And then, I will not admit anything- hello! I am a happy, funny person. And that’s not funny, because it’s obvious I’m being spasmodic.

In conclusion, I am so happy that spasmodic is a word, and even though the idealist, perfectionist side of me screams “your blogging skills have sucked hard lately, you’re falling into the ‘Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few’ demotivator category”, and another part says, “hey, this is my life right now, telling myself i do need to go out elst i’ll have a terrible evening by myself obsessively refreshing FB for new pics? new quotes? new links?” this is me. i capitalize sometimes, and many times i don’t. depends on how fast i want to put this blap out there.

love you, readers. this is life, it has its ups and downs, baby.

breakups are pathetic. but why would i broadcast that? i will, and i’ll tell you why.

a) rarely does a person read this blog (prove me wrong, people!)

b) pretty much anyone who has a heart has gone through some heartbreak, be it big or small.

long-term relationship breakups suck, and in your mid-20’s, you usually have created a whole lifestyle with a person. they are your boyfriend/girlfriend, and your best friend.

and for me, most of my friends are married or dating someone seriously.

i guess i have to hang out with single friends, and make an effort to indeed spend time with other friends too. biggest goals:

1) See people- spend time with them

2) Do things- keep my mind occupied

if i succeed in these things, then i will achieve number 3

3) Not Ex-Boyfriend- thinking about and/or anything else about will no longer be an issue

i usually do a good job of not getting too into my personal life, but, it’s all i have to think about right now. and i have already put some good spins on things, it will be a good chance for all the #1 & #2’s i’ve been neglecting or making excuses about.

and everything happens for a reason. and it will get easier. and so on and on.

but it hurts, and it gets me emotional. which brings me to the title of this post. due to the circumstances, and having to readjust to what i’m going to do/who i’m going to spend time with or not, etcetera…

i feel pathetic.

pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. i’ll do a little of both, most likely. and pain is a reminder to live in the present. and blog!

Wouldn’t it be great if I were writing a post relating to that title?

Were I to do so, I’d only be recycling what many other people have said, so instead I’ll just take this time to take some time to rant and rave.

It is funny the way we might talk to someone and then go check out their facebook profile, or add them so we can do so.

I did have someone admit to FB stalking me (she was a girl who is an acquaintance), and I definitely am a culprit of this too. I know way more about people than they might think. Or do they not think that?

Whatever you put out there, people will find. Sometimes the right people, sometimes just people. Random people. Whatever. I get so flabbergasted by life, on the regular, that I go through binges of updating heavily to not, or fluctuate between trying to reserve some privacy and intimacy, and not.

I have emotions, and I share them on social networking sites. I tried to recently share that I’m now “single”, but it didn’t show up in the news feed. So now where does it go? Off into lost space and time, and only people who really want to know about me might perchance see that in my “information” it says that I’m single.

In conclusion, and not necessarily rightfully so, SN has changed our lives. And you can put on a pretty face on facebook, but everyone knows what it’s like in real life too. It definitely compounds the complexities of interactions, and who knows about pokes!, but I think it’s good overall. Because, let’s face it, it’s entertainment.

It’s when you find it boring that you know you’ve got a problem, and that you need to get back out there, into the world, and actually interact with these people.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks!

Love. Over. Gone. Lost. Why. Heart. Power. Disbelief. Rage. Upset. Crying. Overwhelming. Hatred. Anger. Sadness. Agony. Anxiety. Anguish.

Too much. Too soon. Cheesy grossness. Profound melancholy.

Buckets of tears. Mountains of emotions.

Wanting to move on. This will take forever.

I don’t have the time, (nor the energy). Poetry is not for me.

Et cetera. Breakups are the worst, especially when they are from hella long-term relationships.

I’d Never Date A Guy Who:

-was less intelligent than me

Doesn’t have to be in foreign language, or IQ, but it does have to be in some form. Philosophically could be interesting.

General intelligence is required, and advanced levels are also necessary, to be discussed further in person, if necessary.

I suppose a blog is not the ideal place to share your most intimate information, but it depends on the information. Sometimes it is a good venue. And if you have an anonymous blog, that’d be all the better. Or would it? I’m conducting some informal experiments in this arena. We’ll see.

It seems like my emotional knob is turned up to 22, which is way past the 10 that comes on most humans. I know other people can relate, but when it hurts so bad….why does it feel this way? That is an Erykah Badu quote.

I hope I can find a balance. I’m having some pretty tough stuff to deal with, not just the regular stuff, but relationship-wise, and, well, it is all connected.

Let’s repeat this mantra:

“Everything will be OK”

Everything happens for a reason, right? I definitely believe so. Doesn’t make it any easier, though.

Funny thing. I was actually looking up a quote that I couldn’t quite figure out. I was kind of hoping it wasn’t a quote, and that I made it up, so I was searching on the internet (most reliable source of information ever anywhere) to see if it already existed. Then I remembered it was actually a quote I was thinking of that a delightful friend of mine created. I haven’t seen her in a while, or hung out, but I’ve thought of her from time to time, and I still consider her my friend. If not for the fact that I love her, for the fact that she is an admirable human being, a great work of art of humanity- she laughs wholeheartedly and with a uniquely loud and uninhibited (but not annoying) laugh. Hearty. She’s real. Anyway, I was searching for that quote, remembered it was her, went on the dreaded Facebook to see if I could find it anywhere.
And one web page turned up at first, that I thought had some potential. I already forget what it was, unimportant at this point, I’m so overwhelmed and frazzled, that all I have is this. I’m going to make a list for myself of what the title of this blog states.

3 Things I Can live without:

– People complaining about s$%t and not making the connection to any possibly related inaction on their part (owning up to responsibility for it——-myself included in this pitfall!)

– Sugar (overt especially), but it’s so hard to give up. I just last week gave it up hardcore, and failed at school one day due to stress and the overly present lack of willpower/laziness that’s been persisting with me throughout this tough year/8 months. I felt so much better, but so quickly gave in to its evils again. I know I need to get rid of it. It makes me embarrassingly emotional- so much so that I can’t control it and I start to self-loathe and on & on.

– Excessive work / procrastination - Is that totally 2 things? Are they different? I know I could do so much better if I exercised more self-control in the realm of organization and time management-planning. I “could” live without procrastination but it’s been such a big part of my life that I can’t even remember when it wasn’t integral to who I am and how I do things. Yes, I do get these implications.

3 Things I Cannot live without:

-MUSIC they say a picture is worth a thousand words. music, to me, is worth agreeing to be silent both in speech and in written word, for a year. what a year that would be! i’d be making music of course, and fine-tuning my body language skills, but i would probably be much closer to my real dreams in life. i have valid, lucrative, and realistic ideas involving music, and i need to aggressively pursue them at this point, before i give up on true love- become a golddigga- and marry for money and end up in some terrible alternate reality that i care not to actually think about.

– oh my dog i can’t believe i’d say that. my dog. bella. but honestly, she has become so much more to me than i ever could have expected. she teaches me lessons about myself, and reminds me that i am not yet ready to have children. because she is so precious, and i can get angry at her. she is so wise beyond her years. and she is unique in her affection-giving. i do like to think it partially has something to do with her owners. she is so soft, gentle, genuine, and true; without her, i know not what i would do. (sidestep- she’s also a really good motivation to keep me in shape- walking and the like)

– sharing it usefulness. being of use. sharing, giving back. more importantly, connecting into the union that is the world, and appropriately reserving and giving myself away, and educating and continuing a life-long education with an open mind.

yeah, so, that’s like, like, why i couldn’t share on a message board. you know, like, like totally, right?! i know, right!?

I’d have to add “drama” to things I can live without, especially more and more recently. I’ve been realizing that life will bring its own “dramas”; real things- more like “traumas” and adding frivolous “drama” is the last thing anyone should do to make their life so much more challenging.

My final commentary is I don’t like the can/can’t live without attitude. It’s a stupid idea because I’m still NLP sensitive and the idea of “can” versus “doing” is one so obvious I don’t have the time to explain it here. It’s sort of like “want” versus “need”.

ohhhhh also can’t live without travel. but i have been. but also there’s travel in your mind. hehe. haha. and movement. yeah. i’m just sayin, i wanted to write a blog with a purpose, and this one at least has some guiding principles and cohesiveness, but not as much as i would have liked, because i’m most of the way through my stone i.p.a.

peas!

kept trying to think of a word their that started with “s” and i came up with “spizazz”. that stands for everything that you try do with your life and the spirit and vigor you have to do what you can do, plus a little more, at a given time. that’s how i try to live.

i’m happy that i went to school today to teach (after missing 2 days). but i got other-worldly. i started feeling all dizzy, and totally off balance, and, i’m repeating myself. luckily it was a short class day, and i played movies for most of it. but, it was still quite tough.

i’ve been takin care of myself, hydratin, and cough medecinin, and restin, and more. i guess it just takes a little time is all. i think it was definitely caused by stress. and i think some of that had to do with my grandpa’s death. all the commotion and emotion and everything. it was a good time, saw lots of family, but it was tough too. and there were a lot of parties and crying and some drinking and some distraught sleep. next thing you know i’m barely able to move.

i guess i needed to rest. i didn’t take any part of any day off, even right after i heard the news.

i will be better before the weekend is over, luckily it’s a long one. am i excited about valentine’s day? do i have a valentine? these are private matters. of the heart. we’ll see…same old, same ol’……..life makes me laugh

p.s. so does looking back over my blog. it appears that i have had a tendency to get sick in february, if any month of the year. i’m one for wellness, but about once a year i’ll get knocked out by something. no thanks flu vaccination- i do not trust you!