Category — Just Plain Crazy

A few hours ago, I was planning on finishing some work, and then happily and peacefully reading and/or writing, to holistify™ my life. I’ve been eating healthily, and wondering about a number of things related to bodies and health, wrote a blog about women eating more healthily (specifically, somewhat, raw) to alleviate menstrual issues, which is great and I think can indeed be a good breakthrough, not just limited to that, but obviously to so many other things. We feel like what we eat. It can go good or bad. Far and exponentially.

Then I read about a crazy banana fruit lady. It’s bananas. Obviously eating all fruit is not a good idea long-term, but at first it seemed like there was such positive response. That’s because they moderate negative comments, duh, so they can keep perpetuating myths to make mo’ money!

Then someone mentioned it being like a cult technique. Then I decided to research those. The awesome (there are two very different meanings of this word, and I’m referring to both of them) thing about the internet being the source of research for many (instead of real books, studies, and actually physically researching something), is that you end up with a whole bunch of anything. If you look at the popular stuff, you assume it’s going to be solid, and true, right? No. What about Fox News?!

Ha.

Anyway. I was thinking about cults and got scared because I am easily influenced by other people, and I can see the validity to lots of points of views on things. I used to even be gullible!

Take a look at this, me responding to a well-written overview of cults and tactics used by them (they so smartly did not write them all out so as not to be associated with cult-propelling-propaganda)

Luckily though, I am intelligent enough not to fall for something like that. I even got a little nervous to write about this, thinking admitting to it publicly might make me fall for it. Well, I already sort of have been cultivated (haha) in my life before.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta! Meditation time.

Hmm…better stick to product reviews and stuff on this blog, I’m gettin’ too weird with my theories.

Yes, these are things I have eaten. In the last two days. I knew this getaway would be full of good food, but I didn’t anticipate I’d be learning so much about nutrition and theories and whatnot. And realities. The reality is that wheat, and its genetically modified (and stripped of nutrients) form today, is contributing to like, most of the diseases and problems plaguing so many people today. I see a lot of that in my work. My undisclosed work (I’ve probably mentioned it in a previous entry.

In the age of pics or it didn’t happen, I realize I have been neglecting including original photos in posts (everyone loves a little bit of tasteful that). Here we go:

Bone marrow delight montage to come…Ok, MS Paint and a few other programs labor of lovetime later, here it is:

I am having the dandiest of times, eating this whole food, enjoying the daylight out of this great company (literally- they almost go down for sleepytimes when the sun goes down), and avoiding feeding my facebook addiction. Words with friends addiction is an enabler to my FB addiction.

Anyway, it’s all good. Great. Great in the hood. Here’s a visual on some of the reads:

I just got giddy off all this excitement. Drat. Thought maybe I’d also find a window of tiredness to hop on sometime around 10. Looks like I’m fueled to go for another few hours. Maybe I’ll get back to offline writing, and sprinkle in a little more picture editing. So much happened today, because I used the computer so little. Ha.

If I, a successful, bright, intelligent, popular, attractive person, spends as much time on facebook as I do, I’m scared to think of kids these days, with all the time in the world on their hands (i.e. not just after school, but during school while teachers aren’t looking or every chance they get, when they’re supposed to be doing homework, at (under) the dinner table, and when they’re supposed to be sleeping)…it’s not just facebook. It’s Twitter, Foursquare, Check-in, music sharing, games, apps, texting, oh I can’t go on!

But they can. I tried to do some proper research on the amount of time spent on the internet, but, a recent silly report is pervading the internet with lies and fear:

Social Networking Increases Risk of Teen Drug Abuse

Favorite quotes from that fear-mongering article: “But for this same age bracket, social-network-savvy teens are five times more likely to use tobacco; three times more likely to use alcohol; and twice as likely to use marijuana than teens who do not spend any of their day on social networking sites.” -and- “The results are profoundly troubling … the anything goes, free-for-all world of Internet expression, suggestive television programing and what-the-hell attitudes put teens at sharply increased risk of substance abuse,” [said some "important" guy].

This side-tracked me from my timeless, pointless blog post, and got me interested in this stupid idea that pervaded the majority of each of the first few google page results I could tolerate looking through.

Increased time spent social networking is not the cause of increased drug/alcohol use. Society today is. These kids’ parents (many of which are just ridiculous grown children) are a big part of the problem- how are they making efforts to better raise their kids? Maybe we can even blame the economy- it’s at fault for nearly everything. And so maybe these parents themselves are on prescription drugs and the somewhat-socially-acceptable alcohol train to destruction town! Drowning their sorrows because they can’t find work, or hate their jobs, or are afraid of losing them, or hate their entire lives!

WOH, WHAT AM I SAYING?! WHERE IS THIS GOING? THESE ARE RANTINGS AND RAVINGS WITH NO SOLID STATISTICS. People want, need, believe in, and exemplify statistics. So a “study” says kids who spend more time online are more likely to do a line? Well, then, let’s get them off of facebook!

Ironically I am totally veering away from my original intentions (about the degrading quality (and frequency) of social interactions due to social networking and being online), and making this a hodge-podge-mcdodge.

The only good result obtained in my extensive research was this link: A moronic survey says social networks will cause teens to do drugs

A Moronic Survey Says Social Networks Will Cause Teens to do Drugs

They make so many good points:

1) Most kids go online and use s.n.’s, so you’re really making a pointless comparison between random kids in this crappy study.
2) One of the National Drug Whatever Waste of Money Study Company’s main points is that kids are seeing other kids drunk, high, smoking, or whatever, on these sites, and are likely to then do that?

No. Kids are doing that. And the problem is they are posting it online and then everyone’s commenting on it. Same thing with sexually (morally) degrading pictures, emphasizing looks and body features, and sharing superficial sectors of their lives.

Oh wait, where are kids getting the examples for that? (Think media in America. Think political scandals…wait, kids don’t care about those. But! They do hear about them more and more.)

So maybe I made some loony points myself, in a completely scatterbrained order. My main points are these: Society is #$%ed and a lot of Americans are becoming more and more like the movie Idiocracy.

I guess part of my rant/rave comes from being bewildered by kids these days, from middle-to-high-school age, trying to teach them, and being up against a huge amount of forces working against me (of course the education system is a big part of the problem as it pretty much always will be, but there are so many parenting issues and technology addictions and intelligence gaps, oh dear, here comes the anxiety).

What can I do? I guess I will temporarily quit facebook. And I may not go back to teaching anytime soon. But I can tutor kids. I could make videos to help them (one that makes it viral would be best). I can hold off on pro-creating until I am certain that me and my partner are ready to climb the mountain of raising a child with awareness in today’s world…a balancing act for sure.

I guess, to end on a positive note, I’m secretly really hoping the world does end, at the end of 2012.

I watched this video clip about Haiti, the cholera infecting as many as some 200 people a day! and the aftermath of the earthquake that killed thousands of people.

How weird is it to think of those thousands of people left in the devastation, trying to rebuild their lives, while burdened by the loss of their homes, members of their families, and their possessions.

There are lots of places suffering after natural disasters, all over the globe, including in the U.S. And then we have the economic depression and superficiality and difficulty making ends meet with the burden of debt so pervasive in America.

And I sat this evening, too melancholy for words, for a while. Alone. Lost.

I can relate somewhat to these people, having lost two family members entirely too close together this year. But then there are some people who lost everyone, or everything, or both! I do not have to worry about cholera, but the aftermath of my grief is massive. I had some life changes just before the first death, and now have recently had many more changes, and I am left clinging to what?

I do not know. I know possessions are not important. So I’m going through a phase of both letting go of and getting rid of things, but also trying to fend off a desperate clinging to items that have emotional significance for me, and an increasingly obsessed effort to live a healthy, organic lifestyle (so as to prevent cancer).

But. I cannot know what will come. There is a lot of uncertainty for me. I have had many more luxuries than say, most affected in Haiti or Japan, but comparisons do little to really help in the long run. I don’t wish I had been forced to face one of these horrible natural disasters, but, I do find it hard to be in my grief, and balancing “moving forward” with so many people completely unaware of the depths of sorrow and distraught-ness inside me (strangers), and those who do know me mostly expecting I will “move on” as they have, or many just think it would be the normal time to. I don’t know. I feel lost a lot. But, after a good cry, I know that I need to move on to something else. And maybe that something will include helping others in grief. Who knows.

I know I need to be gentle with myself and forgiving instead of critical. I have sympathy and empathy for those living in Haiti and elsewhere, struggling every day. I have a different set of burdens. Mine are better and worse, in different ways, and would certainly be different if I were another person (like another one of my family members).

I don’t know what else to say, so I’ll end this post with an interesting thought a friend of mine who lost her husband (and is a mother to three kids) said recently. Everyone was wishing her a happy birthday, and she wanted to be authentic about her situation. So she posted that lately she had been thinking maybe God/life wants her to appreciate the ups as much as the downs. To enjoy, so to speak, the sadness and the happiness. As we are often reminded, you can only experience fuller joy by experiencing the lack or opposite of such a feeling. And maybe we’re not just supposed to live for joy. Although, I would definitely like to see more of it in my life, and, I guess if I alter the way I look at it, I do.

Almost every Sunday of my life (basically any Sunday that I had school the next day, or, as a teacher, that I had/have to teach the next day), is spent in a whirlpool of anxiety and denial. I read another teacher’s comment somewhere on the internets like that, that they spend Sunday half-anxious, half-in-denial about getting ready for the next school day. I try to keep complaining about my job to a minimum on this, or any other public site, as I could get fired for it, right?! Well, it’s not even so much that I “hate teaching” (because I don’t), or that I “don’t like my job” (because I do), but, it’s just a cycle I have.

My new teaching job is much better than my last one, it’s closer to my house, starts later, and there’s a lot less pressure/workload…actually it might not be much less work, it just feels that way. It’s also because it’s a fresh start. I don’t know how I got so swamped (literally) in anxiety and paperwork at my last job, but once it started piling up, instead of getting better at organizing, I got farther and farther behind, and just moved piles around and created and separated new ones as I went along.

I was just saying how I still feel anxious about the old job, even though it’s over. I feel like I made a mess of things. I feel I did a bad job. But I didn’t. I know I didn’t. The woman who came back said she had heard horror stories and the job I did was far from those (though the binders were not as organized as I would have liked!). But I did a good job, and it’s only my incessant perfectionism and warped thinking that makes me reminisce negatively.

See this post about “head bullies” and depression to learn about how one person was affected by distorted thinking. Virtually everyone, though, is affected by distorted thinking. Certainly in one way or another we’re all “off” about something. That’s because we are living our lives through a filter that our minds and thought patterns have created. And, as we get older, the patterns tend to get more ingrained. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed a few negative or destructive tendencies I have that time has only aggravated. On the flip-side, I also have some very positive habits and thought-patterns that help me stay strong and help me persevere through tough times.

Anxiety is a monster I’ve been facing for a while. It’s way more common in other people than I’d imagine (I just know it!). Everyone’s a bit insecure, and anxieties will then manifest in different ways. Everyone’s dealing with different things, and life is a rollercoaster and a race quest for balance.

So many times, people are anxious about some event before it happens, and then it’s fine. Or, even if it wasn’t fine, and it did turn out to be a horrible experience, what good did being anxious beforehand do? It only adds to the difficulties that life can present.

Giving up anxiety is much easier said than done. And my Sunday anxiety is particularly interesting, because it happens every week, and no matter when or how much work I do to prepare for school, I always feel I could do more. And, no matter what I do, I still feel anxious even though I know it will be fine- Monday will come, and school will go more or less well.

There are concrete things you can do to alleviate anxiety. Work through situations you’re scared of (positive visualization), tackle projects you’re procrastinating with a plan, step-by-step (you know it’s going to have to be done at some point, so why waste time thinking negatively about it and getting all worked up?!), and breathe.

Anxiety is also an addiction. And therapies like breathing, eating well, exercising, sleeping well, monitoring stress levels, and all that good-easy-no-problem-stuff could potentially banish it from your life. From my life? Well, personally, I did work out twice in the past week, and I immediately noticed a difference in my demeanor and mind-set.

I can write about my anxieties (this is a start, but I need to do some brainstorming/journaling) to help figure out a plan of attack to prevent a panic attack!

On that note, I will go, and prioritize, because, so often, I just let that Anxiety-Monster take over, and procrastinate in clever, but unnecessarily destructive ways (I’ve had so many people try and help me by encouraging me to do work, but it’s just my negative mindset that makes it all seem so much more menacing and daunting).

So I’ve got my anxieties. What are yours?! I have a lot to be thankful for. In fact, my life has changed lately in many positive ways. And, as I get older, I also get better insight into my patterns, thought cycles, and overall well-being (or lack thereof), and I can use that information to remind myself not to attack myself and let head bullies and anxiety monsters take over.

A wise man said to me, “It’s not your situation that needs to change, it’s your mind.” It’s true. No matter what job I have or could potentially have, I would probably be anxious about some aspect of it. So it’s not my job that needs to change, it’s my thinking about it, and tackling process.

And one of the most important things to remember in working toward any real change, is, that it is a constant and ever-present process (not something you can achieve and forget and move on from). It will happen, slowly but surely, if I take the steps. And being nice to myself about my progress (or perceived lack thereof), is a part of it.

So instead of letting the Anxiety Monster eat me alive, I will not feed it so much, and instead of being scared of it, I will have a conversation with it, to see what’s really up!

It speaks, or rather, sings, rhymes, and rocks…for itself.

The Alphabests – Hot Machines

yay album release! i may or may not be on this album!!

Listen now, BUY later!

I love love love Taio Cruz’ song “Dynamite”. It will forever bring up a joyful feeling in my heart, as I think back on the night o my brother’s recent wedding, which was such a beautiful success. Having a dysfunctional family :p (like every family), but with some special cases, I think we all wondered at one point or another if everyone could get out there (it was in the South), and get over the differences/this-and-that…and they did!

It was amazing. Everyone was there, and EVERYONE had a great time. Having a photobooth is one way to basically guarantee there will be good times. My nieces and lil siblings went in there like 20-some times! It also bonded many of us.

I’m also feeling like Dynamite right now, because I have changed my life situation. I have this new job, and it’s kept me so busy that I cannot do anything else (like blog). I miss having my Summer time

But I am going to have the whole semester instead of just the first marking period. I was debating it all week, but, especially given the economy- I gotta tough this out. Believe you me- it has been a rough September. Have I mentioned I get up before 6am every day? (And never go to bed early enough).

In high school I wouldn’t speak in the morning, until several hours after I woke up.

I’m not a morning person.

Am I a teaching person?

We’ll see. I have to keep givin’ it a shot.

I do love some of these kids already, and, it is a job. A 10-12 hour at school a day job plus more planning and grading at night. But, I think there will be a breaking point, at some point. I’m hoping at least!

Well, like that guy says “I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying AY-OH Gotta let go. I wanna celebrate and live my life,” etc…love it.

Day by day. I have been doing a pretty good job of living like that Thank the LORD!

this is part of a non-series, as my blog is, well, non-secuator if you will. (spell-check won’t).

Part 1?

Part 3?

i don’t have much rhyme or reason to what i do, but i do like rhyming. i bought a rhyming dictionary today. and i no dubitubly intend to use it. fully. freely.

depression. a catch22 of sorts. if i’m depressed i’m no fun to hang out with, and if i don’t hang out with people i’ll get depressed.

luckily, in my world, mania strikes. and when it does, it strikes cute. like a fluffy kitten. similar to that terrible song “i get crazy” (what IS up with the radio today- do not even go there- to the radio that is)(but do go to that page and check out her song and her pic. she don’t look like i woulda thought, but boy it makes me happy that she looks like that!)

i’m makin’ sense, as always. so yeah, life. there’s my perception and experience of it, and others’. and my interpretation or ideas of what others are thinkin, feelin, and doin. and i do get crazy!

-the mainstream news sickens me
-Mr. Lif is soooo inspiring, listen to I Heard it Today
-Mos Def is also awe-inspiring, and got some great social commentary, check out “The Ecstatic” NOW

and now i’m feeling some slight pressure to donate to wikipedia (check it if you haven’t been there today, all you regular daily readers of my blog).

hey, i’m not knocking myself, nor my blog, it’s all good here. i just gotta get focused.

i did volunteer, and teaching is a form of volunteering and when i am useful to others, and not wallowing in my own why-me crapulence, i can get the good type of crazy, the good type of manic, where i get stuff done, and change the world.

hollywood stars are not who you really think you want to be, i know, right?!

Wouldn’t it be great if I were writing a post relating to that title?

Were I to do so, I’d only be recycling what many other people have said, so instead I’ll just take this time to take some time to rant and rave.

It is funny the way we might talk to someone and then go check out their facebook profile, or add them so we can do so.

I did have someone admit to FB stalking me (she was a girl who is an acquaintance), and I definitely am a culprit of this too. I know way more about people than they might think. Or do they not think that?

Whatever you put out there, people will find. Sometimes the right people, sometimes just people. Random people. Whatever. I get so flabbergasted by life, on the regular, that I go through binges of updating heavily to not, or fluctuate between trying to reserve some privacy and intimacy, and not.

I have emotions, and I share them on social networking sites. I tried to recently share that I’m now “single”, but it didn’t show up in the news feed. So now where does it go? Off into lost space and time, and only people who really want to know about me might perchance see that in my “information” it says that I’m single.

In conclusion, and not necessarily rightfully so, SN has changed our lives. And you can put on a pretty face on facebook, but everyone knows what it’s like in real life too. It definitely compounds the complexities of interactions, and who knows about pokes!, but I think it’s good overall. Because, let’s face it, it’s entertainment.

It’s when you find it boring that you know you’ve got a problem, and that you need to get back out there, into the world, and actually interact with these people.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks!

I’m so proud of myself. I ran 12 miles today. I was planning something over 10, like 11, in preparation for my 1/2 marathon in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!

And once I go over 9 miles, it started hurting. I’d run a 10-mile race back in the day and didn’t train over that (so 10 was my tops). I’d run 9 miles recently, but by 9 miles today I had some knee pain and my ankles started to hurt.

After 10 miles, even though I had toe blisters, and my ankles and knees hurt, it was nice out, and I felt great, having caught a 3rd wind of sorts, and I kept going. I knew I’d have to go far out so I wasn’t tempted to just stop and go home, and I didn’t even look at my Garmin, just enjoyed the music, and pushed myself to finish.

At times it felt other-worldly, but it wasn’t that bad. And now I’m over that mental hurdle (10+ miles). Yay.

I’m so happy. I stretched a lot, and it may hurt tomorrow, but I am so proud. It feels good.

Let’s hope I keep running every other day, and do one more long-ish one, before the race, and I should be all set !