♥Arrested Development♥

    Arrested Development Quotes by Episode

Soon i will be adding lots more of my favorite parts/quotes from Arrested Development in here. It is one of the best shows in the world, ever. (I’ve started from the very first episode and will get this done before 2011 *edit 2013* i think)

FIRST SEASON

Season 1, Episode 1 “PILOT”
[Michael to GM about getting to take over the company]
Michael: “He’s been calling me pah-dnuh”
George-Michael: “Yeah that’s like partner”
Michael: “Course he has been on that cowboy kick”

[After Gob asks for $20 from GM at the Banana Stand and GM calls him on it…]
Gob: “What you need to know is that it’s magic”
George-Michael: “Wow. So much like stealing”

[Classic Gob…]
Random Man: “How are you?”
Gob: “Incredible. I’m having an incredible year. Up top!” (He high-fives the now-frightened man)

[At the Hunger Fundraiser put on by Lindsay]
Lindsay: “I don’t remember their names, but they’re hungry…And some of them are thirsty”

[During an intense family chat Buster(out of view)’s drumming gets louder and louder]
Micheal: “…as Buster! You can’t do that on the balcony?!”
Buster: “Mom says it’s too windy.”

[Buster freaking out while map-reading when they’re on the boat trying to make a getaway]
Buster: “Okay, okay, obviously the blue part here is the land” and then starts passing out.

[Lindsay and Tobias argue]
Lindsay: “You’re gay.”
Tobias: “No, no. I’m not gay. Lindsay, how many times must we have this con…”

[While Michael visits his father George Sr. in prison]
George Sr.: “You cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime”
Michael: “I don’t think that that’s true dad”
George Sr.: “I’ve got the worst [bleep]in attorneys!”

Lindsay: “I’ve got the J.D.L. up my ass”
Michael: “J.D.L?”
Lindsay: “Jewish Defense League”
Michael: “Uh! The circumcision thing?! Why don’t you mind your own business!”

[Tobias, giving GM a high-five while playing Monopoly-] “How are you?!”

Season 1, Episode 2 “Top Banana”

[Michael visiting George Sr. in prison who is snacking on a frozen banana]
George Sr.: “Come on, come on! Take a bite!” (holding out banana to Michael)
Guard: “No touching!” (he wasn’t touching Michael)

[Lucille on the phone with Gob] “Then why don’t you marry an ice cream sandwich!”

[Lucille to housekeeper] “Luz! That coat costs more than your house!”
(to an incredulous Michael) “Oh! That’s how we joke! She doesn’t even have a house!”

[Tobias, at his tryout for the fire commercial] : “First of all, I love it. Quick question, though: am I panicked about the fire, or am I being brave for everyone else?”
Roger Danish: The fire? It’s … it’s a fire sale.

[Roger Danish after Sebastian does an exaggerated fire pandemic]
“Would you like to try that a little bit simpler, maybe?”
[Tobias, hesitates in thought for a second] “No.”

[Tobias when he gets home, talking about the tryout]
“Yes, no, no. Indeed I did not book this one. I think I failed to highlight the sale. I made the fire too real for them. And good for her! Will you please excuse me!?!” (scene flashes to him later crying in the shower)

Gob: “Michael, having a nice day at the beach while the rest of us are busting our asses delivering your mail?!”
Later while Michael and George Michael watch the fire stand burn, Gob segue-ways up…
Michael: “You mailed that insurance check, right Gob?” (then he silently wheels away)

[Lucille, about Gob] “He’s very upset. You haven’t included him in the business at all. He’s your older brother. You could find a little job for him. Make him feel special.”
Michael: “But he’s not special, Mother.”
[Lucille, reflects for a second…] “No. But he loves you.”

[Tobias, riding with Maeby and GM in car] “Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin’s lap there, please?”

[Tobias’ audition] “Oh, my God! We’re having a fire … sale! Oh, the burning, it burns me! Evacuate all of the school children! This isn’t a fever! Ama … I can’t even see where the knob is … zing grace!”

Season 1, Episode 3 “Bringing Up Buster”

Michael: “I’m really looking forward to our ride today. We better go extra hard to work off these corn balls, huh.”
Lindsay: “Or, you could not eat the corn balls and let your kid lead his own life.”
Michael: “Please, he loves this. Am I right?”
George Michael: “Actually, uh, I can’t really go today.”
Michael: “How’s that?”
George Michael: “My, my bike needs a tune-up or something.”
Michael: “Let’s not blame the bike, ok. It’s the poor carpenter that blames his shoddy tools. (accidentally touches cornholer) Oww…Jesus BEEP BEEP BEEP cornholer!”

[Commercial in Mexico for Cornballs]
George Señor: “Soy loco pour los Cornballs!”

Michael: “Maybe I should be a little bit more like you when it comes to parenting, huh? No borders, no limits, go ahead and touch the cornballer, you know best.”

Tobias: “I think what you’re experiencing is your son’s very normal need to distance himself from his overbearing father. Am I touching something? (then Tobias accidentally touches the cornballer, almost choking a little)

[Tobias, after being surprised by Maeby telling him she is going to audition for a play]
“I was wrong. She’s reaching out to her actor Daddy. Does anyone have an ice pack!?!” (pain from cornballer)

[Narrator, discusses while pictures of Buster doing ridiculous studies flash]
“Usually, at this time of year, Buster would return to his post-graduate studies. But without the resources to afford it, his Summer vacation was extending into the Fall.”

[Buster flailing about in his mother’s apartment, trying to catch a loose bird]
Lucille: “Buster!”
Buster: “It’s a bird!”
Lucille: “I know it’s a bird. I’m on the phone!”
Buster: “It walked on my pillow!”

Lucille: “Everyone’s laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster”

Buster: “Mom dropped me off to spend time with Michael.”
Gob: “Spend time with Michael or to serve her own menopausal needs?”
Michael: “She’s always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything.”
[Buster, laughs to himself] “Yeah. Mom’s awesome…maybe we should call her.”

[Tobias trying to get position as director of school play]
Tobias: “And you tell me you’ve got some P.E. teacher directing? That just makes me want to puke all over your head, sir. Give me a chance to tell the Bard’s tale, and I give you my word on humble knee, whence you shall not say it wasn’t e’er to be.”
Teacher: “Jerry, you cool with this?”
Jerry: “Sure, let the little fruit do it.”
Tobias: “Huzzah!!”

Narrator: “As the days went by, Buster’s apprenticeship was proved more trying than Michael had anticipated” (At a lunch business meeting…)
Michael: “We’re excited, we want your business…(interrupted by Buster yawning)…and, uh, everybody at the Bluth company…(interrupted again by Buster’s loud yawning)
[Buster, yawning a lot] “Ooh, here we go again!”
Narrator: “And just when he could take no more” (At the office, during a business meeting…)
Michael: “And we’re back on track, and we’re focused…(interrupted by loud clanking noises made my Buster as he works on the bike)…Buster! You can’t do that in the snack room, pal?”
Buster: “Mom told me to stay away from microwaves. And besides, this is going to be the most bitchingly fast bike in all of Orange County.”

[George Sr., about Buster]: “Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her ‘miracle baby’. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So…he turned out a little soft, you know…a little doughy” (Buster yawns)
Buster: “Wow…we’re just blowing through nap-time, aren’t we?”

Buster: “It’s like she gets off by being withholding.”
Michael: “Woh, Buster!”
Gob: “Look who’s got something to say.”
Buster: “I’m Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I can feel good about myself. ‘Cause I’m an uptight…(long beep)…Buster!…(long beep)…You old horny slut!”
Michael: “Well, no one’s gonna top that.”

Michael: “You were flying today, buddy.”
Buster: “Yes, I was flying. But a little too close to the sun.”
Lucille: “You let him go in the sun? (To Buster) Get in the back seat. I’ll be right out.”
Buster: “Front seat, mom. I sit in the front seat now.”
(They’re having the whole conversation in front of the company employees during a business meeting, as you find out when the camera pans out and someone says “Can we go now?”)

[Tobias, crying in shower] “Why, Tracy, why!?!?”

Season 1, Episode 4: Key Decisions
(In kitchen, talking about building houses and tearing down trees)
Lindsay: “Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?”
Michael: “Oh, I’ll never forget your wedding.”

Michael: “I would given anything to be able to have that again. You know? A family? Nothing else matters. (Lucille then enters house, screams Michael’s name) It’s mom. Hide!” (They make a weak attempt at hiding)
Gob: “You brought up money earlier, I actually would like to borrow some.”
Michael: “No.”
[Gob, yelling to Lucille] “He’s in here, mom!”

[Buster, looking helpless with an undone tie] “Hey brother, uhh, Mom said you could tie this for me.”
Lucille: “Make it long, so Buster doesn’t seem so…round.”
Michael: “Come ‘ere, pal. (Starts tying tie). What do you guys, got a big date?”
[Buster, laughs nervously] “Well, we’re not dating (laughs awkwardly)”
Michael: “…Shouldn’t Buster be spending his evenings with women that aren’t so much, his mother?”
Lucille: “He’s a beautiful boy! They don’t appreciate him. It’s his glasses. They make him look like a lizard. Plus he’s self-conscious.”
Michael: “Gee, I wonder why!”

Gob: “White power Bill can’t hear you, with such dirty ears!”

[Buster, by himself, with bad vision due to his glasses]: “Como estoy?” (Means- how am I?)

Lindsay: “I care deeply for nature.”
Michael: “You’re wearing ostrich-skin boots.”
Lindsay: “Well, I don’t care about ostriches.”

[Lucille, about their husbands]: “At least he’s in prison, not an urn.”
Lucille 2: “You are so deliciously witty”
Lucille: “Aren’t we having fun?!”

[Michael, to Marta, at the Desi Awards] “Sorry, you really deserved to win in there…[pauses]…Did you win? I don’t speak Spanish.”

Michael: “Sorry, Lindsay, I didn’t realize you were up there.”
[Lindsay, up in tree] “Oh, I’m up here, Mike. I’m not coming down Mike. I’m gonna save this tree no matter what it takes.”
Michael: “Okay. I’ll see you when you realize what that bucket’s for.”

[Lucille, about Buster’s new feelings for Lucille 2]: “He doesn’t even know what she looks like.”
Buster: “I know she’s a brownish area. With points.”…[later]…”That’s what you do when life hands you a chance to be with someone special. You just grab that brownish area by its point and you don’t let go, no matter what your Mom says.”

[White-power Bill, stabbing Gob] “WHITE POWER!”
[Gob, falling in pain from being stabbed] “I’m white”…(falls to the ground)

(After Lucille tries to seduce him)
Buster: “Has your hair always been that pointy, Miss Austero?”
Lucille: “It’s Lucille.”
Buster: “Right, right…(takes off glasses to see more clearly)…that’s my mom’s name” (starts falling, due to having a panic attack)
Lucille: “Help…”(gets dizzy after helping him, starts falling and grabbing a chair) “I’m alright, I’m alright.”

Lucille: “He’s fine. I’ll be in the hospital bar.”
Michael: “You know, there isn’t a hospital bar, Mother.”
Lucille: “This is why people hate hospitals.”…laughs maniacally as she walks away

Gob: “You’ve got nothing to worry about. We’re going to be together for a long time.”
Marta: “We’re a family now. I am so happy. I’m going to call the kids.”
[Gob, to himself, after Marta leaves] “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

[Micheal, about the staircar] “Well, then. It’s all yours.” [Michael gives Lindsay the staircar]
“Watch out for bridges and hop-ons…you’re gonna get some hop-ons!”

Season 1, Episode 5: Visiting Ours

Lindsay: “I have needs, you know”
Tobias: “How am I not addressing your needs?”
[Lindsay, ripping the towel off his waist] “How can you even ask that?!? What is this?”
(first appearance of Tobias’ denim shorts, à la “Never Nude” syndrome)
Tobias: “Oh, GO RIGHT TO THAT!”

[Gob with Kitty in supply room, about to kiss, Gob tries to make her less hideous] “Take off your glasses. Oh, wait, wait. Let down your hair. No. Glasses on, hair back up. Let’s just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: “Let me turn the lights off.”
Gob: “Yes, yes, please.”
Kitty: “How’s that? Is that better?”
Gob: “It just seems like there’s still light coming in from under the door.”

Michael: “Well, you just lost a touch lamp!”…”I’m gonna use a touch lamp to set the mood in the conjugal trailer while Dad’s nailin’ Mom!”
Gob: “Don’t! Michael, no! You’re filthy!!”

[George Michael, after hugging Maeby and not letting go] “Sorry. Sometimes I just don’t know if it’s gonna be a long hug, or a short hug, or, like a middle- medium hug. Yeah. That was a good length, that was plenty for now. I don’t care. Hug’s gotta end sometime. Obviously.”

[When Michael calls him to ask if he can come to the prison. Gob is already there.]
Gob: “I’m delivering a strongly worded letter I wrote if by nothing but natural light.”

[On the next…Arrested Development]
Tobias and Lindsay’s Marriage Therapist: “I’ve decided that…I wanna become an actor too!” (laughs)

Season 1, Episode 6: Charity Drive

Michael: “Two sticks and extra chocolate, is it Mardi Gras?! What are you charging him for that?”
[Gob and G.M. at same time] “I don’t like to discuss money.”
Michael: “What does that mean? You don’t pay for it?”
Gob: “A Bluth banana?!?”

Michael: “Come on, face it. You just do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don’t even know what the auction’s for tonight.”
Lindsay: “The wetlands.”
Michael: “To do what with them?”
Lindsay: “Dry them.”
Michael: “Save them.”
Lindsay: “From drying.”

Lucille: “Uh, oh. She better not walk through here after she’s been in there.Tell me you’ve got an exit strategy.”
Michael: “Mother.”
Lucille: “Oh, please. They didn’t sneak into this country to be your friends.”

Lucille: “You’re the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars?”
Michael: “You’ve never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?”

Lucille: “Buster! Why do you hide every time the doorbell rings?”
Buster: “I’m not hiding.”
Narrator: “Buster was hiding from Lucille Ostero…”

George Sr.: “I don’t think he’s gonna do it after you wouldn’t even give him a frozen banana?!”
Michael: “What is there, a chat room that you guys that you…(George Sr. cuts him off)

[Spanish-speaking housekeeper lookalike, who thinks she’s being kidnapped by Michael] “Is…scared”
Michael: “Izquierdo…I know that one! Left turn it is, misses!” (to himself) “They call me selfish!”

Micheal: “Why would a banana grab another banana? I don’t know!”

[Lindsay, calling Michael from the wetlands] “Look, I screwed up, ok? I’m lost, and I hate them. I hate the Wetlands. They’re stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane, Michael.”

Highlights: Gob chips his tooth on a candied apple. He develops a whistling problem due to the chip.

Season 1, Episode 7: In God We Trust

Lucille: “It’s like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately. I have no idea where you get that from. Away from that stove, you’re gonna light your hair on fire.” (to Michael) “He’s weak.”

Gob: “She didn’t. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work, though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking albino on the form.”

Michael: “Mom, you’ve already got two strikes on your record. You strike one more person and it’s technically a spree.”

: “” (Sees Mother and dives through glass window)

Lucille: “Buster, what happened to your head?”
Buster: “Nothing. Gob was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer.”

Lucille: “What’d she do, get you drunk?”
Michael: No, we just, uh, well… we — we did drink a little bit. How’d you know that?
Lucille: Because that’s what she said she’d do. I said you wouldn’t give her the money, and she said, “He will if I get him drunk.” Probably because she thinks you’re a cheap bastard. Oh… her words.

Season 1, Episode 8: My Mother the Car

Marta: “Te Quiero.”
Gob: “In English, please.”
Marta: “I love you.”
Gob: “Great. Now I’m late.”

Narrator: “Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself, but ended up taking a 2-hour angry nap.” (Meanwhile Maeby walks by with a suitcase, running away from home).

[Tobias, wearing a speedo over his cutoffs, to saleswoman] “Excuse me. Do these effectively hide my thunder?”

(Tobias, in response to G.M. saying he can’t take off the body suit, and thinking Tobias wouldn’t understand)
[Tobias, taking off his robe to show his cutoffs] “I understand more than you’ll…never know.”
George Michael: “Yikes!”
Season 1, Episode 9: Storming the Castle

Season 1, Episode 10: Pier Pressure

Season 1, Episode 11: Public Relations

Season 1, Episode 12: Marta Complex

Season 1, Episode 13: Beef Consommé

Season 1, Episode 14: Shock and Aww

Season 1, Episode 15: Staff Infection

Season 1, Episode 16: Missing Kitty

Season 1, Episode 17: Altar Egos

Season 1, Episode 18: Justice is Blind

Season 1, Episode 19: Best Man for the GOB

Season 1, Episode 20: Whistler’s Mother

Season 1, Episode 21: Not Without My Daughter

Season 1, Episode 22: Let ‘Em Eat Cake

Maeby: “You get to miss school for that?”
Narrator: “And that’s when Maeby decided to become a devout Christian.”
Maeby: “Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with a ‘T’ on it?”
Michael: “That’s a cross.”
Maeby: “Across from where?”

etcetera…I’ve been working on this recently, and will get them up as I continue to have time to watch and collect all the good quotes.

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