Doing my research for this post (that I decided to do on a whim because I’m having a “I’m a good blogger” day, and, by research I mean googling the cliche phrase in the title), I found an article from Psychology Today entitled “Time Heals all Wounds, or Does It?” It was perfectly on point- interesting the topic discussed in it was grieving the loss of a parent.
Let’s apply this phrase to grief/loss, whether that be a loved one dying or a loss of something integral to ones identity (e.g. relationship or job), as I think that’s how it’s most poignantly used, and herein contemplated.
The article essentially said that what’s more important than the amount of time is what you do with the time that passes.
I think this is very true, in reading about grieving. And in my experience with grief. The time of year, anniversaries, and birthdays that have come up or are shortly upcoming for me have been a bit too much to deal with. I literally cannot allow all the pain to come into my being. It is too much to fathom.
Sometimes (inevitably, to function in life) you walk around the sea of grief, sometimes (quite often, especially at first) you struggle while swimming and sometimes (much less often) you sail through it. Sometimes I wish this sea was a cocktail and I could drink it gingerly (and without repercussion) as I go.
You can drown in it. It’s an accomplishment just to stay afloat. A lot of people do “drown their sorrows”, doing whatever escaping they can to avoid it. (There is a difference between temporarily ‘avoiding’ it out of necessity, and just plain denying it).
The article talked about a woman who delved into her job, overachieving there, and as her wedding approached, she realizes she is avoiding grieving her father’s death, and she can’t go on as she had been (sort of obsessively making everything seem perfect while not at all dealing and healing).
Healing is a weird thing. It’s hard to do. Part of my grieving and healing involves allowing myself to feel my emotions when they come up as much as possible. Sometimes I can’t cry at the moment, but, it’ll inevitably come back. Sometimes I remind myself I don’t need to focus on the grief, it’ll pop up, and that I need to live more in the present and focus on rebuilding my life as I gain more hope for a ‘joyful’ future.
It has almost been a year since I lost my sister unexpectedly. But then after that, was a whole quick recurrence of cancer in my father that swiftly took his life. So I’m thinking a lot about both of them, and, two losses is two too much. It’s just too much.
But I’m alive. And I have to deal. And I have a choice of how I deal. F’real.
In conclusion, I think in a way you never fully recover from losing a dearly beloved. The pain and sadness are different over time, but, your wound has a good chance of being re-opened and closed until your own death. It’s not a bad thing and I don’t mean it as a pessimistic thought. I just don’t think humans are made to understand death of a loved one fully. I personally think religious beliefs do help, and I am happy to be consoled somewhat by my thoughts and beliefs.
But it doesn’t make sense sometimes, and that’s okay. A lot of things in life will never make sense. And that’s also a reason why I love life- it’s weird, just like me!
Here’s what Dwight Schrute thinks about this quote!