pretty much my worst fears have come true in my life. a few months ago i was complaining alldistraughtly, WHAT THE @#$% WILL I DO, HOW WILL I LIVE, IF TWO OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS DIE IN THE SAME YEAR?! as my dear father is days from death (possibly hours…hard to tell!), much has changed in these past few weeks.
i am quite surprised at how things have changed so much. certainly after my dad passes, i will grieve. i will undoubtedly have times of great depression as well. and the ‘why/how/what/huh….’ will surely come and go too.
but i have had such powerful peaceful positive feelings lately. i can hardly fathom the power of the joy, gratitude, peace, love, and preciousness that has come into my life and the lives of those around me. my father is so much like an angel right now, so innocent and so deeply grateful.
maybe i’ll post a video to show you how amazing this tender man was, days before dying of (painful) cancer, describing a “game” with great elation. i think he is talking about life.
i am surprised that i find myself also grateful, comforted, and calmed…there is a huge clarity to me about what is really important.
family and friends bring that, from the Greater Being, God is love, and loves us through other people. wow. all i can say is wow. yes, there is deep pain in me, and profound sadness…but i also feel so many overpowering positive things. so much so that i can surely shout:
“i’m an optimist in the prime of my life!” = optimisprime