Goop Reminds me of “Better Off Dead”

Remember that awesome part in “Better Off Dead” when the mother serves up some blue raisin schloop? Then it goes and slurps right off the plate? I love that movie!

I just finished wasting over an hour on a whirlwind readabout: Gwyneth Paltrow, Goop, her marriage and its rumored disintegration, and a blogger who really has it out for “fishsticks” paltrow.

I eagerly signed up for Goop’s weekly newsletter after seeing her on the Tonight Show a few weeks back, touting its practical and environmental wonders. I like eating healthy, and travel, and “nourishing my inner self”, so I jumped on the boat.

Honestly, I mostly forgot about it as well. The email address I signed up for is my spammy account so there are a bunch of lists and sites I’ve signed up for (like the daily news in French) that I rarely read. I did read it once or twice, but was slightly depressed about her advertising of a detox cleanse I could never afford.

After my adventures in pointless research, I realized how stupid the site is for most everyday humans (and I had already had my suspicions due to this pricey fashion advice) and I will unsubscribe, if I have the motivation to even do that. I figure another less-than-positive blog review will hurt more than one less subscriber on the list.

To continue my adventure- who ever said Twitter isn’t a wonderful way of peeking into others’ lives?! I found other people who related to feeling poor and worthless after reading about all of these wonderful things she writes about that cost hundreds and/or thousands of dollars!

Here are some of my favorites:

A British woman writes: “gwyneth, I’m just not interested in your ridiculous tosh today. you and me are over.” (I had to look up tosh, and as I suspected, it is similar to rubbish. that’s grand!)

A woman from ‘beantown’ writes: “Reading GOOP. Why do I do this to myself?” it will likely make you feel bad about yourself, with few exceptions.

there are others, but i want to maybe focus on doing something actually productive, having wasted so much time reading about gwyneth and a possible boob job? gwyneth stealing the idea for goop from some beet lady?!

i like to think of myself as a pretty good person, but i’d be better if i had just a little more money. ha.

I did just find this quote from her, while doing even MORE research for this ‘article’. I like it for a number of reasons I’ve bolded: (May 2009)

“She tells Life & Style magazine, “It’s hard! Nothing is as good as it looks. Life is complicated, and there are always issues to overcome. Yesterday, he went to Australia, and I came here (New York); you have to accept that. We’re brutally honest with each other. Even if, God forbid, we weren’t together in 10 years or whatever, I think we’re like a family.”

also like the “I think we’re like a family” because that is just kind of weird to say. i mean, aren’t they family?! i definitely partially wrote this article out of jealousy at her richness. whatever. she’s decent. the site is, eh, alright, if you have a lot of money floating around.

i know i’m a decent person, because now i feel sort of bad. like, hey, she’s a human, it’s tough to be a celebrity, but then i remember the quote i read about her saying “f#$% the haters!” about blog criticism, and i’m like, hey, all’s fair in life and hollyweird-ness.

i’m bitter. and i do like the bitter taste of dandelion leaf in a juice, like the one i made last night. a girl can take small, steady steps.

p.s. i was finishing up reading about the detox program (and finding myself still experiencing that love-hate feeling) when i stumbled upon a girl named ally’s awesome comment:

“Frankly, this is a “lose weight through diarrhea” diet plan.
Going for a run is better than the runs, IMO.”

oh, humor! how you help remind me to enjoy life, and to remember the other people out there going through life in a realistic manner.

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