take the time, make the time – dedicated to Asher Edgerton Austin

there are lots of good books and sites and professionals and ideas to help you save more time or to make more time. i really do enjoy zenhabits whenever i read one of their articles. however, i don’t have the time to read those right now. i am working hard today, and i’m only taking a minute to blog because i have something important to say.

it’s quite simple, and it’s out there all over the place. but i cannot emphasize it enough, especially to myself.

life is too short. life is too short to [fill in the blank].

it’s too short to live in a way that you would have regrets if you died tomorrow.

i found another good quote: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” i like that learning idea.

i had a friend who passed away about a week ago now, due to a drug overdose. serious stuff. i wasn’t terribly close with him, but his death has impacted me so much more than i would have thought.

the service was saturday, and afterward i went to his house and spent some time with his family, friends, his band, and i perused his room.

such a bizarre and sorrowful thing. he was such a cherishable human. he had been a drug addict for several years since his best friends died in a freak car accident when he was 10. he realized one day after high school that he had wasted a lot of time, and good education. he decided to get clean and go to college.

he worked so hard at relearning, teaching himself how to read and write again, and dove into philosophical exploration. he read and read, talked to everyone he could, and was open enough to change or adapt his worldview if he heard something that made more sense, instead of hanging on to ideas with ego and obstinance (which is not a word, i realize).

he was kind to everyone, and i learned that at the age of 2, he and his mother were walking by a row of houses that served as shelter to the homeless, and he was impacted by that. at only two years old! he befriended the homeless and brought many home with him in future years.

he was an artist, a musician, and such an honest and open human. so free of judgment, and so quick to skip awkwardness or formalities so he could jump right into being friends with you.

he did everything in his power to stay away from drugs. heroin is a terrible drug. horrible. his mother ended her speech at the memorial service by pleading: “don’t start. don’t start.” that was one of the most important things she had to say.

drugs were a very small, unfortunate part of his life. he was so much more than that. i often forgot that that was something he was struggling with on a regular basis. and it’s so sad that his life ended in such a seemingly tragic way.

but i really liked what the minister said as that attested to his endearing, intelligent character, and that can help us remember him in the right light.

“what was in his backpack when he died?”

it wasn’t filled with drug paraphernalia, or alcohol, or anything like that. it had a copy of the magazine “the economist”, several philosophy books, and other books. books. lots of them. he had just graduated college, and wasn’t intending to go to graduate school, so he just had those with him because he cared about learning.

it made me cry inside and out. such a terrible thing. an incredible life ended too young. he certainly wasn’t ready to go. he had just started working on a new musical endeavor, different than anything he’d done before. (now we’re working on getting his music together and putting it on a vinyl- he wanted to start a company that pressed music onto vinyls)

i’m still in shock. i’ve dealt with some difficult losses in my life, a best friend and first cousin at the age of eight, an aunt who died of cancer in 2001, and a grandpa who just recently passed. but this is so sad in its own light.

and all i’ve gotten from it so far, is that i need to stop making excuses. i want to. i want to stop wasting time, and to stop living a life i don’t absolutely cherish. i aim to spend more time face to face with the ones i love, because life really is too short to not share your love and spread peace and joy. i also want to love more freely, and to not let fear get in my way. there are a lot of things i want to do, and a lot of people i want to spend more time with, and a lot of ways i’d like to be different.

and i have started, thanks to Asher. he was an amazing human, i really felt close with him even though i’d only hung out with him a handful of times. and at his funeral, and afterward, i saw how many “best friends” it seemed that he had. though it was cut drastically short, he lived his life so vibrantly that it will help us heal, and hopefully help a lot of us realize how important life is, and how important it is to make good on our wishes, goals, hopes, and dreams.

I love you, Asher. Your life is an inspiration to me, and your passing is something that will not haunt me, but instead, will help give me the right amount of urgency in going forward, and I hope I can emulate some of your personality, and gently remind myself that change is necessary, and efforts must be made. Constant efforts. And I will not waste my time caring about little things.

I feel like appropriate emotions and actions are in order. Finding a balance between being a real, feeling human being, protecting my sensitive self, and frontin’ is a difficult thing. To quote an old favorite singer, Sarah McLachlan:

“And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it,
I won’t fear love.
And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love.”

It’s fear getting in the way of my enlightenment. And I’m a long way from it. And I don’t need capitalization, and I don’t need to prove anything. But I want to make a difference, I want to be more of the change I wish to see in the world.

I think a great way for that to happen is through music, my health habits, and in being more kind and compassionate in my interactions with others, including bad drivers.

Peace and love, fo real.

(p.s. after doing some internet searching/reading, here are more testimonials to his loving-kindness:

“In lieu of flowers Asher would want you to follow your heart and give in support of your passion.”

one of his many friends who can share similar stories of philosophy and fondness said: “We had some great talks. If you wanted a philosophical discussion, he was the one to go to. I never got to spend a lot of time with him, but the time I did receive the privilege won’t be forgot, and will always be cherished. … For you’re sake, my sake, and everyone’s around you: Never take life for granted. Never take anything for granted, because it will eventually slip away.”

if i can get a hold of the eulogy, i will get some more good quotes. what a wonderful soul!)