Amandoo’s Handle of Realitumtum

i am so tired there are tears streaming down my face from yawning (my yawns are very lacrimose). i was tired enough to spell overworked wrong, but did catch that my previous post said “what is” instead of “what if”.

my quality and frequency of posting has been low due to excessive work demands. the children. moreso the administration. too much going on. not only am i beyond exhausted, i also have multiple symptoms indicating a cold, and possibility of……….flu?!

i did my best to head this off, put it to a stop, with all the right vitamins, liquids, and healthy foods. and recently i upped the ante with cough drops and some expensive (but worthwhile because it worked in the past) cold care called umcka. and it only seems to be getting worse. i have a lot of trouble catching up on my sleep, and keeping the stress at bay.

there was a situation going on- can’t get into it too much, but it was making for more work for me, instead of less work, and i spoke out about this, but it hasn’t gotten much better. and it’s hard for me to be vigilant about it, because it’s my first year teaching there/here. but boy. it’s LUDA!

so tired. must go plan more lessons. unique lessons. and still with no smartboard. i switched out my broken-bulb overhead projector for a different one, but this one has a blurry picture overall. i feel like a hypocrite, all talking about technology, but lookin like i don’t know how to use it.

pooey. wish me luck with getting better. i know it, and i, will. it’s just a matter of if i can make it through without calling in sick. must sleep.

yeah, i just went facebook commenting. and status updating. like crazy. it was so awesome.

and i’m still just about as cool as ever.

if a poll were to be taken, all factors would point to me being cool. and nerdy.

dawgs! you think i care?!

i do not have time for caring ’bout that!

i feel pretty awesome about life, and hopeful, despite the corruption and economic decline and filthy-high airline ticket prices.

dawgs!

um…yeah…so i said that people could read my blog to find out how cool i am. if they do this, either, they know me, and will be ambivalent about this post. if they don’t, or, if you don’t know me, i will tell you this much-

Ryan Rhythm DJ Entertainment Company still never paid me for my training, and when I am a famous DJ I will mix and scratch a song about this.

Thank you, goodnight.

Come on, dawgs, seriously. I was student teaching and I drove for hours at a time to train and toil and serve. Principle. Ethics.

Pay me, please.

I’m cool. Right?! Oh yeah, no, sorry, I’m just being ludacris because my blood sugar is low because I have not eaten forst about 5-7 hours.

Have a good weekend, unless you are a part of that DJ company.

i guess it could be because a role model in my younger years was always saying something like “i am nothing i deserve nothing”, but i have a problem with asserting myself and sharing problems in a productive way so it can bring about proactive change.

instead i just let situations slip into sadville and i cry about the injustices. no. i’m not like one of “those people”. the “why me?” grumpy gusses. No. Indeed not!

but i just have such trouble telling it like it is if something is amiss, especially if it involves people i feel are authority figures or if they are “upline” from me. you know what i mean? like telling your boss a situation needs to change?

it’s tough!

calling your dentist to go over a bill piece by piece because you have no way of affording their billing methods and procedures, and you also have no idea what they did that could ever have amounted to any sort of exorbitant number of dollars like that?!? i mean- the chipped tooth they fixed already chipped again!!!

these are the things in life that i HATE to do, but sort of feel better after doing them. i guess they usually are not that bad, it’s just the thinking about it associated with it, or the whimpering and moaning i tend to do when thinking about how i wish the ickiness would just go away. but no. you’ve gotta fight, for your right, to parlay!

or something like that. all this said, i had a meeting today. and it went well.

why?

because i planned out my talking points so i was prepared. this helped take the emotional part out of it for me, and i was less nervous (my thoughts tend to spin off into la-la land and i get very sidetracked by thinking about the situation and how it’s playing out instead of just laying it out!)

you know? so there i was, asserting myself as a confident and able teacher, and they saw me as that. and guess what? a creative solution was attained. and one of the participants even commended me on having brought “possible solutions” along.

it’s a big ‘ol messy, sticky situation, but it got to the point where i was so upset, so quickly, that i knew i could not survive. not even just not survive the year, but i was thinking of packing a few bags and fleeing the country like tomorrow.

and now things are looking up. all because i had the guts to speak up and voice some problems/issues/what-have-yous.

it’s definitely bottomy. right? yeah. but it does feel good in the end. and i am much, much! less anxious.

breathing. breathing deeply. good enough, smart enough, and gosh-darn-it people like me. right?! well, i am pretty good-looking and i think that helps too.

ENOUGH!!!

seriously dawgs. i have no solution right now, other than that i should be in bed. shoulda coulda woulda. why am i so upset? they are forcing a teacher into my classroom. basically i turned down part-time there because -duh- who would accept a ‘part-time’ teaching job that would take most of your time and not pay you enough to eat food every day. i got full-time, took over the french, and signed happily. then the principal mentioned that my ‘mentor’ was going to need to be included in the process.

fast-forward, the department head insists that she be in the class with me. so today she was there…sort of…kind of…for one of the classes. and then she left me a message saying that she could teach 10 or 15 minutes. to help me.

i’ll put it together for you- i have to plan what i’m going to have her do, which will require more work than if i were to just do it. not that easy. just not that easy.

and really @#$^%&* awkward. doesn’t look good. really discouraging.

everyone says it’s supposed to be a great situation.

i’m just all double-ewww teeeee efffffffffffffffffffffff

i’m upset if you can’t tell. and nothing is going well because of it. my procrastination has spiraled out of control on an anger and resentment tangent. (ok. i guess part of it is something else going on in my life, but, teacher’s don’t have personal lives).

oh woe is me. why me?! unfair! yeah. it really actually is. i think i’ll have to say something by the end of the week- if not sooner.

-help

Money. A lot of stupid things come down to money. And I blame “those people” up “there” (not in heaven), I blame them for a lot of it. And the rich people sometimes can’t see what’s wrong.

Anyway, here’s some humor:

“I got this in the mail today from AIG…seriously”

It was also funny to me, because I got something in the mail from them too. And when the lady presented to me, she was all “yada, yada, even though the economy’s bad, we’re not!” AND NOW LOOK.

So should I stop putting some of my precious monies away into it? Yeah…hmmm…about that. I don’t know. I just do not know. Would it be like the stock market where it would then crash or adversely affect myself or the nation or the economy or the future?

What am I saying? I’m saying I don’t get paid enough yet! I am worth more! And I get paid only pennies for blogging, so I don’t do it anywhere near as often, or as quality-like as I could/should/ want! Oh believe me do I want to! Maybe I should get a Doctorate in Journalism or something where I can be creative and writey-all-like-and-such.

Who knows. The economy is whack. I could thrive in a bartering system. But I have a feeling someone would still be asking me for lots of money for all of those student loans.

In conclusion, as any well-written essay ends, I had a dream the other day, about Ron Paul. I forget the context, I was a student maybe in the class I was teaching? But anyway, we were talking about changing the world. And then I was like- “I should write a paper on Ron Paul! I’m a really good writer!” And then the teacher was suddenly Ron Paul, and he was like “Yeah you should”.

People- is this a sign? It might be. Maybe writing a paper symbolizes writing a book, and maybe Ron Paul symbolizes …I won’t go there. I’ll leave you hanging

I went to the Jenkintown Jazz and Brewfest today and started to enjoy myself some jazz. The jazz was awesome. I hadn’t done my planning yet for school lessons, so I was not going to partake in the Brewfest part. To make a long day story short- I did end up participating. I ended up doing my best to get my money’s worth too (it was $30)…and I came home at 6pm when it was over (my other friends went out to bars!) and I started planning. I remember this, but was falling asleep so much, so so much. Here are some excerpts from what I found when I woke up. My boyf asked “What would you have done if you had accidentally passed out for the night and woke up in the morning and these were your notes?!” - I would have shown a video, of course!

I can’t explain a lot of this:

French 1- lesson for 09/15/08- review of some basics, show video introducing nationalites, review où est/ c’est (and dans le bureau/sur le burea and devant Michel/derrière Michelle). Review these agreements. (10 min) how DONE??>?>

Hmmmmmm am n sure, and neight e d otoe. You do, mthey will always say ‘respect’ when tel eadted

I really liked this. It was crazy. Crazy to read about. And I do partially regret my decision to go drink at the brewfest, but I know I will not in the end. As long as I plan right now, and finish drinking my green tea. What a day!

on popurls the title was “i was looking around myspace, and i think i may have stumbled onto the worst techno, ever”, but friends! if you listen to it. listen to it all. take a deep breath. and listen to it again a little later.

hold on. wait for it. yeah. i just finished listening to it again. unbelievable in so many ways.

and then take a look at her pics. and i will attest to you,humans, that i love life, and i am positive about all of the sky, the sun, the stars, and most of the earth. not a lot of it, but a lot of it indeed. a lot of it. like, i am optimistically positive. i am certain that the goods will prevail.

teaching is going. i am still a horrible procrastinator, but i am learning……and i am going to success.

so listen to this song again.

i also trash picked a few nice additions for my classroom. and a few things came together- getting a key, getting a dvd player! woohooooo

ok back to planning, all the time. but i had to pause to share that song with you.

just. just. that song.

i did it. i am so tired that i can’t see straight, and i have to finish planning for tomorrow still, but i made it.

and it actually went better than i thought it would. it went well! sure there were good times and bad times, but i had a few laughs, a few sparks of interests in students’ eyes- and- i really feel well-versed in at least theoretically planning out a lesson and carrying it out as best i can.

did that make any sense?

who knows. but i am getting my life in order, and it’s exciting. fo sho.

signed,

miss teach

tomorrow is basically my first day of school and i can barely handle the anxiety. luckily my mom sent these, of my niece:

(ps thanks for your patience while waiting for these- i have yet to add the other two!)

i have her pic tiled all over my screen as the desktop background. she inspires me.

ok fine dawgs. here they are all small for now and whatnot.

aww what a special