Amandoo’s Handle of Realitumtum

sitting around hanging out with the internet can get creepy. i know the internet’s tubes may reach other people, but it can go many ways. two instances, although i wonder why i am associating myself further with that man, but here goes…

one would be the man who lives in an apartment across from my friends. we saw him through the curtain crack in his window, face illuminated by the glow of a computer, and he was alternating looking at the screen, and us. it was beyond creepy, compounded by the people who live there telling me that he is always there, and they can’t go on their back porch comfortably anymore.

second involves my success and failure stories, which i will but just touch on. i was on the internets earlier (and i may or may not be on them right exactly now lol!) but i thought i could survive a saturday night, inside, by myself, on the internets. not true. time only passes in a twisted, deceptive way. i had no idea it had only been ten minutes, 46 minutes, etc. i was hoping it was the time it is right now…instead i got a phone call and headed out. and i got complimented for my freestyling, which is cool, but now not so much because i wrote about it.

-honest (except for the lol)

so many great phrases and words out there that people have come up with. and we keep making more words too.

i am done with being down in the dumps, but i’ve only just begun. my life changed in a strange turn of events yesterday, but it is too soon to say more.

let’s just say i was going to write about all the fun happy christmas times and now i’m too depressed to. maybe i will later tonight, when i’m not depressed anymore.

ok. i’ll still be sad, but i’ll be hot tubbin’ it with some fine friends and what more could you ask for than that?!

let’s not get started with what i could ask for. this is good enough. i remind myself every few minutes- just live minute to minute! it’s very important to live in the present and this always comes back up when something tough happens.

i’m going to go read more of the delicious book i’m reading called “eat, pray, love”. i thought it’d be bottomy, and it kind of is, but it’s very well-written and a delight so far. i’ll let you know how it turns out.

in conclusion, there is no hope in the world.

i must admit that i get easily tizzied, which is a nicer way of saying froopin pissed off. i seriously love life, and have an optimistic and energetically pleasant attitude and demeanor a lot of the time, but certain events always rupture my spleen a little.

when i want to go somewhere, or get somewhere on time, or do something that i have a specific time frame in mind for, then i start getting more and more pissed about any thing or any person who stands in my way. an example of the derivation of my irateness is when i happen to sleep in until 3pm on a weekend, wake up starving, and don’t end up going to get food until 5pm. and i’m crazy by then.

THERE’S A TINGE OF MADNESS IN THE EYES, I KNOW I MUST LOOK LIKE THIS OCCASIONALLY

why don’t i have food at my house, you ask? i never do. i will go out, shop, think i’m buying food, and a few days later have nothing and need to go out for food.

a lot of my frustration comes from patterns in relationships that need to change. both parties are at fault at different times, but i find myself putting myself on a pedestal and blaming. i know, though, that this is a no-go.

i must be a mature adult and accept that i have some, or sometimes, much, to do with the problem. it’s probably because i don’t meditate or whatever. i also believe it has to do with some frustrations in my life (cough-not having a job-cough) among others, but also, it might have to do with the mountains of sugary sweets consumed over the holiday season.

I FOUND THIS CREEPY, NOT-RIGHT P.BRITTLE COMBO AT A CREEPY STORE. AND DID NOT BUY IT FOR A GIFT.

call that pathetic, but it could play into it. i know growing up i used to be so rage-y because i didn’t eat any protein. call me crazy again. do it. i dare you. anyway, i’ll stop being a loony loon.

overall my birthday and christmas went quite well, let’s just hope that i can keep my maditude in check.

happy merry christmas everybody!

i am pretty happy.

life is crazy.

it’s good. good for now.

there are a lot of different pros and cons, but mostly at the present time being i am focusing on the pros, so they can increase. naturally this happens.

i was going to go to the midnight mass, but now the haps is not. i went earlier to church and did not even make it to Thanksgiving, so i’m happy about this. it was nice, but i had kind of wished they were going to play the exact exact songs i wanted. overall it was touching (and my stepmother told me the six-year old i teach french to did say to her randomly in the middle ‘joyeux noel’ (french for merry christmas)).

guess what, i am touched! life is great. i profess it. sincerely, and severely.

lots of good christmas stories i will report on, after it all goes down. christmas in PA.

merry christmas to all!!!

my birthday happening recently!

i actually got happy about the age i received, and i’m glad because before i was feeling a bit old.

and i had a really good turnout for rememberings and wishes. sometimes people forget because it’s so close to Christmas. (also duo gifts suck. but luckily nowadays either people aren’t getting birthday gifts for friends, or it’s my family and they know not to mess around with a duo gift)

i have several parties on the up and coming, including a celebration of my birthday after Christmas.

i would like more snow. not a blizzard, but more snow. i’ll wish that for Christmas.

not much else to report- i did pass both of my important exams! i am that much closer to having a Masters.

Bella the dog is that much cuter than ever:

Bella, Luna, Tippy

people! i love being alive!!!

what are you grateful for? i’m grateful for good times with good friends, feeling fun about getting gifts to give, and my nieces’ phone birthday wishes.

birds.

I know this is personal, and the only reason I write about it is because a friend and I were talking about options in life. I could write about a million additional aspects, like everything, and do not want to get into abortion or religion or bla blippity blop bloo blaw. I just wanted to put it out there that I think birth control is evil. JFK! It might work for some people, but I would like to hear from people I know that have never had a negative side effect from it.

Here is a random smackling of stuff I found while looking up negative risks associated with birth control:

Specific brand- patch: Were you aware of the serious risk associated with Ortho Evra? Your health could be in danger. Keep reading to find out more about the potentially deadly side effects.While there are no guarantees for success, Weitz & Luxenberg will, without question, work its hardest on behalf of those clients who suffered the following serious side effects: pulmonary embolisms, deep vein thromboses (DVTs), heart attacks and ischemic strokes, as a result of wearing the Ortho Evra Birth-Control Patch.

Breast cancer and birth control: (this has a pro and a con, and is listed under ‘less consistent’ instead of ‘factors consistently found to contribute’, it seems more like a general health warning)
Factors which have been less consistently found to increase breast cancer risk:

* Drinking alcohol;
* Being physically inactive;
* Smoking tobacco; and
* Using birth control pills. Note that although taking birth control pills appear to slightly increase a woman’s risk of breast cancer, the risk of ovarian cancer is decreased.

Birth control effectiveness when on antibiotics:
Question: Are birth control pills 100% effective?
Dr. Brownfield: Not quite. There are certain antibiotics, particularly penicillins, tetracyclines, some of the cephalosporins … when you’re also on the birth control pill, that hormone pill becomes less effective … and so you want to have a back-up method so you don’t get pregnant.
Side effects of specific brand Nuva:
Girl: my girl friend is on the nuva ring and has been crazy since she cry s for no reason and has emotional ups and downs like crazy will this go away or what … is it normal??
Internet response girl: Nuva ring is a form of birth control that works by delivering hormones through the skin. These hormones effect all women differently, but have been known to cause spotting, mood swings, cramps, bloating and weight gain. If these side effects are too much for your friend I would suggest switching birth control methods. Each prescription uses slightly different hormones that might not effect your friend in the same way and thus work better for her. I would suggest she speak to her doctors about trying a different brand.

Article on birth control side effects:
http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,5367,00.html

Article about birth control and testosterone issues:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/35663.php

Excerpt from article on natural birthing schtuff: (obviously biased against birth control)
The main function of this type of oral contraceptive is to suppress ovulation, or the release of an egg from your ovaries. This is done through the increased levels of estrogen your body receives from the Pill. However, today’s birth control pills contain far lesser amounts of estrogen than their predecessors. As a result, ovulation may still occur anywhere from 2 to 10% of the time. (http://www.epigee.org/guide/pill.html)

Article on sex drive and birth control: (http://www.webmd.com/content/article/84/98116.htm) (could be mental i bet)
“Lost your libido? A lot of factors play into your sex drive, but you may have overlooked one potential culprit: your birth control. Is your contraceptive keeping you from getting pregnant in a way you didn’t expect?”

Question- when will the negative effects from the pill go away?: (http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/birth-control-when-will-negative-effects-pill-wear-off.html)
This is from a birth control pill type site, so they say the weight gain does not happen, but do admit that mood swings could be an issue:
” Weight gain from the pill is actually fairly uncommon (about 15 percent), and in fact, as many women lose weight as gain! Certainly, you could be in the 15 percent that do gain weight, and it may take a few months, exercise and proper eating habits to get it off.” ” As for the moods, yes, that could be from the pill. Some women respond to the progestin content of the pill with moodiness, irritability or depression.”

—————–

Say what you will. Consider all sides. I know where my loyalty resides, but if I were Jamie Lynn Spears, I probably would have been on birth control. JFK again!!!!

I’ve been watching Entourage and I love it. It’s so much fun to find TV series that you really enjoy, especially older ones, so you can watch as many episodes in a row, depending on the degree of addiction you develop.

I’m pretty addicted, watched the first season in two days, but I could use a little more addiction (like watching two whole seasons of Arrested Development in a day). It’s enticing, humorous, flashy, and fun.

Why I write about it? It’s also depressing and disgusting. It makes me seriously want to be an actress or at least get more hardcore about my goals to go live in LA and make lots of sweet underground hip-hop. It also reminds me that my life will never be as glamorous as I’d like. And there’s definitely a slight objectification of women theme going on, which is not something I like to support, but I tolerate it because the rest of the show is great, and then I feel kind of bad. And I remember how silly and stupid the lives of stars are, intriguing too, but wasteful and seemingly empty (words, word.)

I also feel bad when someone does a project that I’ve been working on (but moreso procrastinating on), and they do it much better. I have taken lots of pictures of my friends’ eyes with my digital camera, but someone got eyes that don’t even look real they’re so beautiful:

Sweet Eye Shots

Photoshopped? Doubt it. I came across a couple eyes like the ones in these photos, but just a couple, and my pictures weren’t that detailed. Mince!

These are all not epiphanies, and that leads me to another reason why I feel sort of sucky these days, I’m not having any epiphanies, and furthermore, I’m not doing so much creatively.

I guess student teaching will encourage me to be creative, and I did make recycled paper with creative resources. I’m being too hard on myself again.

And I definitely will watch several episodes of Entourage soon and start feeling bad about my star-less life. Then again- as I write this, a petite border collie friend I have places her paws on my forearm, overlapping each other in such a dainty way, that she makes me feel like a human all over again.

Weird that I say that about a dog, right!

Did you grow up with few manners and tricks of the trade? If you’re like me, I grew up with some great parents, but I didn’t get the best course on manners, and I certainly never knew how to actually clean up spills.

It was so embarrassing, and I would just scrub and rub, and really I was only making it worse.

Today I spilled my hemp milk latte on the floor, and was all in a tiffy, until someone helped me, reminding me how to really make a spill go away!

See? It was like magic!

Hannah Montana came to Philadelphia!!!

mrak’s sister wanted to go see miley cyrus, aka “hannah montana”, and since i am mostly jobless, it was suggested that i take her. luckily i got out of it because someone awesome decided to take her, but mrak and i still had to go pick up the tickets at wachovia complex.

we went, and we parked almost a mile away- to save $11. even though it was cold as balls, it was worth it. i guess it was exercise, and better for everyone in the end.

apparently she was doing a meet and greet. i argued that it was actually her standing outside in the cold. mrak said there’s no way she would be doing that in a something as un-boot-and-tights-hot-like as a sweatshirt.

in the end, neither of us cared enough to find out if it was her, but i did get a great picture of me by her tour bus:

you want more better photos?

When People in Russia Get Bored

yeah. what?! those are sweet. special.

anyway, i’m a little sick, so i have to go eat soup and watch entourage.

something something. i love many things. how are people to judge them? what scale can i use when my sliding basis is plagued with boring chord progressions and progressive liberalism?
i am more obsessed with blogging than this:

nataliedee.com

i agree. i have even gone as far as going to a chinese restaurant to have a proper social outing, and thought upon reading my fortune, ‘maybe i will blog about this’.

true.

stones throw making me feel like holidays? what ways! what ways not is more likely. how don’t you get all reminiscent and christmas scent. accordian?

daedelus!

who knew!? i didn’t, but i do now. and i know. soon enough, we will hear something come forth from me. besides casualties. i mean casual ties between words and music. i will produce it soon ish.