“mo money does not actually equal mo problems”
“a blog a day you know what they say”
okay i lose. here comes the good stuff….
Overheard in New York is hilarious. Maybe I should or should not move there. A bunch o’ good ol’ quotes straight from anywhere in NYC right into your laughing gut. Here are a selection of my favorites:
Crusty old man: You aren’t wearing makeup, but you don’t need it. I know, I’m a photographer.
Young woman holding flowers: Thanks.
Crusty old man: I take a long walk once a week to stay in shape. What are the flowers for?
Young woman: My roommate’s birthday.
Crusty old man: My brother’s a pediatrician. His birthday is July fourteenth.
Guy #1: I haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to?
Guy #2: Well, I’m in the process of switching web hosts, and it’s going to be saving me a few bucks a month. I just need to decide what Linux distribution to use. What about you?
Guy #1: I got married and we had a baby.
Guy #2: That’s cool.
Columbia girl: I f*&king hate people who go to NYU.
Columbia guy: Me, too. They’re so, ‘Oh, look at me! I’m so artsy and don’t shower.’
Columbia girl: Yeah, and they smoke weed and do acid! Coke is so much classier.
Young father to twin toddler sons: That pigeon might be a pedophile.
–Outside Museum of Natural History
Conductor: Attention! You’ve boarded the ghetto express. Next stop, Deep Ghetto. If you’re trying to go to any of the Ghetto Light areas, please transfer at this stop for the Ghetto Local. Thank you!
–5 train, Brooklyn
Conductor: Okay everyone, we’re going to evacuate the train now. Just stay calm. This isn’t the Titanic. I repeat, this is not the Titanic.
Sad girl to friend: I’d feel better if I just had lemurs to talk to.
–Washington Square Park
Crazy guy to squirrel: Hey, Lamar! Get back here! You can’t stay out here, you gonna get hurt!
Art student: I could never date someone who doesn’t understand expressionism. I would rather die.
Teen girl to young boy: You can’t sell Fruit Roll-Ups and wear a Raiders hat at the same time.
Preteen #1: Oh my god, I’m wearing pink underwear today.
Preteen #2: Really? Remember that time I wore that pink dress?
Preteen #1: Yeah, but I mean, like, Victoria’s Secret-pink.
Preteen #2: Oh, right, I love those.
Preteen #1, after a beat: Hey, do you like eggs?
Preteen #2: Um, of course I do. Who doesn’t like eggs?
Preteen #1: My friend hates eggs.
Preteen #2: Oh my god, no way.
Preteen #1: Yeah, but she likes cheese. It’s okay.
Preteen #2: Oh, okay. That’s good.
Preteen #1: Yeah. She likes both kinds of cheese.
Preteen #2: Ew, I only like that one kind.
–Fitting room, Macy’s
MTA conductor: Hey, get off the train or we’re not moving. You can’t play here.
Panhandler playing the violin: You’re just jealous that I make more than you.
Dude: So, did you go out with that guy last night?
Chick: Yeah, he was nice. I mean, he had scabies, but he was really nice.
Round ghetto girl: Skateboardin’: not cool.
Skater: Childhood obesity: not cool.
Drunk girl: Kool-Aid is my most favorite drink in the whole world. When she moved in, it was like great, because it was like, “You love Kool-Aid, too? Awesome, we’re going to get along great.” But then it ended up, she tried to kill me with a steak knife.
The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.
Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?
He sprays the windex.
Hobo: Or Spring?
He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.
Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.
Yuppie: I don’t think he’s working now. All he ever talks about is monkeys and robots.
There you go, peepz. Just a few bunch of my favorites. Check out more classic quotes or popular quotes now!