(i wrote friday’s blog on a napkin while at the bar, saturday and sunday i couldn’t see out my eyes, and then i found some new spots of life. despite the cold hearted robots)
Friday- when I do see my friends I cherish every detail I learn about them that reinforces a heartfelt human connection between them and I, that lies anew beneath my humoristic (at times) robotlike exterior. It’s funny that some of my BFF’s (bottomy) have never read my ‘blog’ but I love those who do maybe just as much. They probably know more about me than my other friends do.
Saturday- ouch. My heart hurt a lot last night. Almost like it never has before. I know this because I woke up about every half hour with my heart pounding at unnecessarily excessive speeds. Oh my. It was awful.
Sunday- I saw ‘Stranger than Fiction’. I appreciated how it touched upon romance, but not grossly. I like how it was dramatic, but realistic enough that my temporary situational depression didn’t get caught up in it. I need to get internet. I need to do a lot of stuff.
But today I had another pleasant encounter with a friend. I went on a long walk with her all over town, and we talked about everything. So many good insights into life. Upon recently deciding to really break up my life, I have felt it. Felt the real. The real all of it.
It was good to hear her thoughts on her marriage and how it is both something wonderful exciting heartfelt and the like, and also enough of an endeavor that you still do go through the times of self-doubt or still have relational issues. I am not summarizing it well, it was very lively at the time and I was taken away with love for life.
What I mean? as I realize more and more that marriage is not something that could save me, but rather an adventure that I need to have 8 chariots of fire passion for both it and the guy, I appreciate hearing about my friends’ endeavors with it. And I don’t need it yet. But I look forward to developing my awesome life awesomely so that I can have a chance at snagging me some pirates.
I’m done with those thoughts. I have to go feed my blindness.