even a bad cup of coffee (but with the right timing) can make life seem overly splendid. manic. i’m manic. and last night someone said my hair looks like ‘manic panic’.
other than that i am like a jittery jangle bell but i like the life i live. even if i work so much i don’t have the time to work out and work out pasting a hot looking life all over facebookyspace, i still love life and know that in the long run i will be a millionaire. and that is all that matters.
busdriver is tomorrow. i am can not wait. i hope he knows how exciting it’s going to be when we’re all hanging out. then next thing you know i’m moving to california for my new life of hiphopping and teaching spanish instead of french.
i’m learning a lot about geeky stuff like joomla and website creationing. it’s fun? yes. mostly. i just wish i could speak to the computer with loving words and have it sort of just create it for me. but this new site is part of my fun learning adventure.
i will not admit what i spilled on my computer last night that almost made it obsolete. the screen blacked out, the computer then shut itself off. i thought my life was over. others tried to assure me that it wasn’t. i knew it was. then, slowly but surely, it came back. first it made angry at me beeping noises, then it typed in a few ‘v”s after every ‘t’ that i put in, and now the ‘m’ doesn’t always work, but i am so grateful.
let’s share more about what it is for me to be a huan. i mean human. sometimes i feel like something other than ‘human’ because what is that word? what is any word? mental illness? i am not mentally ill, but i do get sick sometimes. i remember when i was indeed crazy……..
a sad memory from it is that i never felt comfortable. after i was put on that horrid medication i suffered from a constant semi-discomfort with life, and could not find solace in anything. a sort of restlessness, but also a sense of irritation that would not go away no matter how i tried to relax. you know how showering after being dirty for a few days (hippies and non-hippies alike), or how after staying up all night just relaxing in a blanket sitting and doing nothing, watching tv, or reading, you take time to relax, breathe, and just feel good. soft. nice. comfortable in your life, mind, and body? i never felt that. after showering i would feel dirty, in blankets i’d still be cold or hot sometimes, slippers and nice socks wouldn’t do it, no clothes looked or felt good, and i could find no way to calm me down and relax. constant irritability. side effect of medication? definitely. disgusting and disturbing? just thinking about it makes me sick, but also grateful for how much better i feel now and how i can appreciate being comfortable and relaxing. i was just thinking about how gross that was and how alien to think it impossible to feel soothed and at peace no matter what you do.
tonight on my carpool ride back from school we talked a bit of over-medicating. i read an article a few days ago in People about a 4-year-old being first put on bipolar medication, and then dying from it. no 4-year-old should be put on a medication in my opinion. at least not in most circumstances. duh. come on. prescription medications are way too potent and dangerous for that.
now it looks like there is question about the parents being at fault for over-medicating in this particular story. that’s another side of it, but in almost all Rx med situations there is a lack of knowledge, communication, and then the question in my mind- why aren’t people trying alternative approaches to therapy first! and why do people put so much !#@%#$& stock in what ‘doctors’ say. they do not always know best. ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’. i keep doctors away as much as possible these days for many reasons, not to mention how expensive they always end up being!
i have much more to say about all this than i have time to say it, but i must go work on my other language learning site! register now or hold your merci’s for the future.
in conclusion: yes i am ‘crazy’ sometimes. no i am not on medication. no i do not need medication. a lot of people on medication do not need it. therapy, exercise, eating right, and more holistic therapy. i probably could use a little more therapy, but i am galaxies of stars better off treating ‘craziness’ with my therapy of kittens, puppies, and juice boxes (and therapeutic blogging to an almost creepy excess). jk lol rotfl haha.
thanks for visiting and get all the help you need…at my other website I, whelp, had to separate. Ya dig.