Amandoo’s Handle of Realitumtum

(i wrote friday’s blog on a napkin while at the bar, saturday and sunday i couldn’t see out my eyes, and then i found some new spots of life. despite the cold hearted robots)

Friday- when I do see my friends I cherish every detail I learn about them that reinforces a heartfelt human connection between them and I, that lies anew beneath my humoristic (at times) robotlike exterior. It’s funny that some of my BFF’s (bottomy) have never read my ‘blog’ but I love those who do maybe just as much. They probably know more about me than my other friends do.

Saturday- ouch. My heart hurt a lot last night. Almost like it never has before. I know this because I woke up about every half hour with my heart pounding at unnecessarily excessive speeds. Oh my. It was awful.

Sunday- I saw ‘Stranger than Fiction’. I appreciated how it touched upon romance, but not grossly. I like how it was dramatic, but realistic enough that my temporary situational depression didn’t get caught up in it. I need to get internet. I need to do a lot of stuff.
But today I had another pleasant encounter with a friend. I went on a long walk with her all over town, and we talked about everything. So many good insights into life. Upon recently deciding to really break up my life, I have felt it. Felt the real. The real all of it.
It was good to hear her thoughts on her marriage and how it is both something wonderful exciting heartfelt and the like, and also enough of an endeavor that you still do go through the times of self-doubt or still have relational issues. I am not summarizing it well, it was very lively at the time and I was taken away with love for life.
What I mean? as I realize more and more that marriage is not something that could save me, but rather an adventure that I need to have 8 chariots of fire passion for both it and the guy, I appreciate hearing about my friends’ endeavors with it. And I don’t need it yet. But I look forward to developing my awesome life awesomely so that I can have a chance at snagging me some pirates.

I’m done with those thoughts. I have to go feed my blindness.

****Yes…I love technology, but not as much as you, you see…
But I still love technology,
Always and forever…
Always and forever

I love my robot friends. Someone suggested (based I think upon the fact that I have a fantabulous real website where people can learn French a bit better by using the available online technologies. (It does kind of suck right now) but based on this I must have a ‘second life’. Which brings me back to the robots. Computer robots are oh soooo hot. They’re made of hot 0’s and 1’s, not your average. Mm mmm!

Oh right- I’m doing my homework!

[So. I definitely heard some great church camp stories…at the bar? tonight?)]

Girl 1: ‘Please play some…do you know…Tori Amos? Simon and Garfunkel?’
Guitar-strumming girl 2: ‘I’m just tryin’ to play what I feel right now. I might not play ‘popular’ songs”
…
[goes on to play ‘Blowing in the Wind’] and then everyone sings, together, on the floor, looking up endearingly upon the folksy whimstress.//

Oh the answer my friends. Hmm. I had a dream. Last night. It wasn’t that good, but it was. My dreams are so infinitely profoundly pretentious. I really put up a good farce there.

Oh la. La. I’m doing homework as we speak.****

***so i wrote all that at some point around 4am, whereafter i fell asleep with my computer both on, and on me. i also realized i have no heart. i am going to become the tin woman. this is my new goal. it would make things a lot easier.

please help me i’m not finished my homework yet and i have to work. a lot. soon. at least there are animals on the planet. but they’re not allowed in starbucks. so i have nothing

oh la la!

i am so hungry i would eat human flesh:

ouch it’s cold and both my homework and my heart hurt. i’m going to make a great teacher hatin’ on homework like i do. i promise to keep in mind my loathing for homework that i don’t like when i try to give some that some students might not like. the only time i have to do my homework is rarely/never, and the only people i hang out with are robots. i mean computers. i mean.

oh my wishlist it is cold. why! so cold. maybe i’m cold-hearted. yes. i am. right now. oh boy! one would think that since i can i would edit these ‘blogs’. i don’t. obviously? oh my la i am so cold and so concerned about how much homework i didn’t do for so long. so boring!

new subject- family, children, future, oldness, etcetera. so i was thinking that i wouldn’t have kids until i am financially pretty decent off, right?! be practical eh!? then i was thinking about how often people don’t get there and have kids anyway. and not the really impoverished irresponsibles (no judgment. judgment?), but the people who have a love and have a life and want to see what will happen in the world as they bring new life to it.

so i was thinking. it might be okay if they’re not completely rich enough. you have kids, you save money while their babies right? i mean it’s not like kids go to college right out of the womb. they don’t even need to ever go to college. maybe.

but in the end i decided that having more love than money is the most important. the best of families are that way because of the love, not because of the money. yes money can flow things a lot better, but boo ka tchoo, whooped if i don’t remember the tender loving memories more than the times that we didn’t have cable or the fact that i never went to disneylandworld. i don’t care even now about either of those that much. i do care about money right now though whilst i am on my own.

why do i care about these little humans if i’m so far from marriage? i care. because i could get married any day without even realizing it and then it might be all biological childbomb time in my me. i’m sure that’s not what those famous ‘men my age’ want to hear. a coworker and i discussed how at this age (24 me/25 him) there seems to be a divide amongst women and men, or also just between those looking to get married and those looking to simply date. but i see women tending to be the ones casting a hot eye upon marriage- especially those wanting to use their uter-oos for optimal health babes.

i know i’m young, so maybe i should date an olderish man. i’m aiming for 26/27/28 next time around. i also don’t serial date, i serious date. that’s a downfall of my heart that gets no adjective on this public a forum.

go join my forum and say stuff on that one french website i made. [can no longer associate them via the webbed feet of internet tubes because of the future, my future]

i want to be a dj so bad. more bad than anyone knows. maybe if i put away a savings column in my ‘ing’ accounts for turntables i can be. i could just start with other music, but i’m bored with what i pretend to already know. ho ho. not true. i’m lying to you, see me through, i’m kinda blue with the saturated pretense of present and future tenses’ sensibility, predictability, unbeknownst to me, there’s more out there around the lurking cornerstone of my musical agility, sad as it may now be, use the counterbalance for frigidity, as a new perspective in heat’s fast rushed rhyming, with the right timing, someday i’ll laugh at this stuff while climbing the mind.

(addendumps- i definitely am not equipped appropriately for a small human if i laughed at this instead of was aghast ud)

~it suddenly got so hot, so so hot. i didn’t even realize it until i had on a long-sleever and it was sweaty
~i purchased an iced venti soy latte at approx. 8pm and then made myself a crazy bass latte at midnight- maybe overkill on the caffeine, i feel a little frantic
~i’m frantic about presenting the old ‘french-learning-website-tool-i-made.com’ tomorrow…it isn’t good enough, but the picture is. my teacher loves pictures of people and the home page is classic! (tomorrow is present. i have to work before school. equals no time or no sleep)
~i guess i do stuff (ie work a lot) and then get frantic mostly about homework. i don’t do homework and when i do i’ve procrastinated so long that i go into a sub-category of procrastination where i’m under the illusion that i could do any and every single thing ever. i think that can be classified as ‘mania’ or ‘grandiose delusions’. jk high five. really though, i’m crazy. at least i’m still young?
~i want to make websites be my life. first i need to find a million dollars on the ground and then i will be happy to make websites and volunteer and stuff the rest of my life
~why am i blogging when i have eight hours of homework to do between now and never?
~this will all end (after approx. tomorrow night) so i should just forego sleep…except for that 20 minute in-depth presentation i should be presentable for
~i could go on and on but my lips are too dry and i say out loud whatever i’m writing so i have to stop talking.

that last one was a lie (my lips are dry though) so i have to go. do work. check out the site (ask and i’ll share). maybe dehydration is caused by excessive caffeine consumption. who knows? (everyone does)

oh, and if you happen to be available to do lots of work for me in the next few hours i’ll pay you 75 dollhairs. remember saying that under your breath as a kid?

if you didn’t you are deprived. currently.

i’m just getting wicked now. ta-ta!

-tasha tudor-

i feel a little under-intelligenced today. see. i just used a word that is not real. so i will start off by sharing other people’s stuff:

this guy is smart, interesting, and speaking about what i care about- education and creativity.

i also care about random word origins and questions as such- where did ok come from and what does it mean?

next up- educate yourself about the dangers of reading books and flying.

i’m more shocked about notorious b.i.g. being 24 when he died than about the allegations in this article. who knew he was so young? i thought he was at least 37 or maybe even 42. that. is. crazy.

some youtube videos are out of control bad. and 50thousands of people watch them. probably because they see a lot of people have watched them and so more people watch and it is a vicious pernicious cycle. and now i want to go swimming.

no swimming for me. i have to work. and you know what i’ve done with my weekend? no homework, or barely any really, and a lot of wasting time, and a misapplication of fake tanner. there. i admit it. i tried to use fake tanner. and it did not work. i wanted to look like the sun and a glowing radiant bronze tan. i did enjoy the weather outside yesterday. i suppose natural tanning is the best way to go, but even that’s overrated. protecting skin from the sun is more worthwhile.

enough with the random boringness- almost as bad as the youtube videos i watched. i’m sad i have to work. it’s just not right. to be sad so much about working so much. i should just stop working. a bit. still need mad money.

boring! i’m going to go work on mysuperawesomesecretfrenchlearningwebsiteyoushouldaskmeabout.com. so come visit.

as soon as i’m not working 98% of the time (that i’m not ’sleeping’) then i’m going to overhaul rejunevanize and makeover this site/blog. it’s going to be ooc. my life is ooc right now. for sure. it makes me sick.

that’s no way to be little tucker! right my internet peeps? let’s joy-n together for some positivity!

i created a new section recently: holistic and wholesome articles. it’s going to be awesome (and bottomy and life changing for people who want it to be)- i just put up one called ‘creating magical relationships’ which is pretty advanced. i fail to remember a lot of it a lot of the time. even though i am not ‘in a relationship’ i bet i could still get stuff out of it.

i want to even maybe add a whole ‘coffee’ section. the left side has lots of gems people!

boo. hoo. my life hurts. give me gems.

don’t tell strawbyhobby that i got it from walmywamwam for 29.99. pathetic! jk haha lol. you see, i did go to starbucks for the ‘accessory kit’ to make up for what it lacked (spoons, shot glasses, steaming pitcher with thermometer) and that cost almost as much as the machine did!

i’ve made three ‘lattes’ so far. it’s recommended that you use espresso obviously. but i had some good ol’ christmas blend open, so why waste it- christmas blend lattes for everyone! and they taste good? i think so! odd. if you work at starbucks i think you’d understand or be able to imagine what it might be like.

other than that…working on youcertainlymustshouldlearnyousomesweetfrench.com/yeah! that’s partially ‘due’ next week. freaking out about how much schoolwork and how little time due to $ work. ugh.

in india there is almost no Alzheimer’s and my carpool ride buddy and i were talking about how it might have to do with diet aka they use a lot of spices and awesome stuff. japan too. japan also has a very low autism and other childhood disorder rate which may be because of diet. interesting to think about all of these environmental factors as triggers and the dna stuff that has/is/will come up in the next decade or so.

i don’t quite understand this zen productivity site but i think i really like it! my mom told me today that women who drink 3 cups of coffee a day are 70% less likely to commit suicide. gotta love off-the-wall statistics that make no real coherent sense. i guess that definitely could be true for one instance or something.

i shall make a movie soon and figure out how to put it up here. i suppose youtube is a practical means of doing so. i am thinking out loud. i am boring myself.

well- here’s something humorous, inspiring, and uplifting. an ex-400-lb guy loses some mad weight and runs the freaking boston marathon. inspiration plus.

in order for me to run it next year i’m going to have to start living off espresso at work and at home and i’ll no longer need sleep.

false,

but i can always dream.

why would someone share all of their personal life on the internet? i do it to share, to care, to connect, to respect. i hope people find their hopes and dreams, their futures, life’s purpose, and a reason to make fun of me in person if they know me. that’s what i hope for bloggereaders. more realistically i hope to also provide useful information, laughable stories, and maybe some cool reviews of local restaurants or random hiphop and stuffs.

i love thom yorke’s the eraser solo album juice. it’s austome.

my legs hurt. i am a very bad at doing homework. thusly i conclude i am not sure as to the possibility of me really teaching and ‘giving homework’. we’ll see about it. we’ll see it all in good time.

bad times were had today in other news. i choose not to say anything of the shooting because it’s just plain upsetting enough.

i will say a prayer for peace and continue to try and propagate it. peace!

busdriver is my friend again! in retrospect i realize maybe i was even somewhat like those girls, trying to groupy-soup it up with him. the crowd was rather emo, and i did say i was a ‘big fan’. i cringe about that these days.

anyway i think i have another chance to make a better impression when he comes back around may 7th. we’ll see. in the meantime i am on a mission to make some of my own music.

i saw some pretty cute pictures of my now almost three-month-old niece.

see! i told you she was cute. sometimes it’s painful being so far from such cute nieces. i try not to think about it too often. i talked to zab on easter and she gurgled a bit.

i had oh so much fun this weekend at j and b’s wedding. touching, cute, simple, awesome. the 4 hours in between the wedding and reception were spent at the c & s club, so, it was a crazy reception. i got spilled on about 5 times, twice my fault. i thought i was going to eat a mozzarella stick but it was really an awesome/odd-shaped chicken finger? it was great!

so i saw freaky light in his car man again. i saw him from afar and wondered if he was a cop. surely enough it was him with his stone cold face of intensity.

i did not know that the rappish song with some lyrics like ‘now if it wasn’t for the bronx this rap #^& probably never would be goin on, so tell me where you from’ was from a steely dan song! oh my. i love hearing the originals.

some of my friends home brew and i want to get down with that. someday.