Amandoo’s Handle of Realitumtum

well this weekend was not actually all about my brother, but i did stop by his college- the real Penn State after deciding late Thursday night that I didn’t want to make it all the way out to Meadville PA (where my ol college Allegheny is). when i first got there i had to change like 10 bones for quarters to pay for the meter so i could park right by his dorm. it was pretty awesome. then i was so into my conversation with a girl in the elevator that i got off at her floor (the fourth) with her and adam had to call me back a few times (before the doors closed) to go to the seventh. grood times. we went to the local ‘beer-to-go’ store and i was so excited to see such a wide variety of single-serving beers available- like magic hat and sierra nevada etcetera so i bought a bunch and wasn’t even allowed (legally) to carry it out of the store all at once. more grood times ensued until we went to macdo to see his housemate/get her discount (thanks!) and actually get free food. mmm opposite of vegan time. i like his apartment and life there and realized i really need to go visit for a whole weekend.

i made it to my tiny allegheny bright and early the next day in time to get lunch at my favorite restaurant (a small cafe called julian’s- i highly recommend it if you’re ANYWHERE near Erie!) i hoped to eat there for every meal and almost did. the next few days were a blur.

i did have some really really good times. it was so nice seeing old friends and reassuring them that i am not permanently crazy (well- not in the way they last saw me hahahaha hooh o hohohoh!!!) i got gaw-ed at. sort of like caw, but gaw?!?!? i really don’t know, it was hilarious, but i also got other random loving interactions.

nothing is coming to mind right now- except for the fury and horror of how much schoolwork i have for the next few days, so i will go do that (or look at myspace= join me at myspace.com/amandoo YEAH!

“i can’t believe that we’re still living. oh in this crazy crazy world; that i’m still living.
with all the problems of today, how can we go on? so tired of hearin people say, how can we go on?” (-e. badu)
mostly for me, cats, sleeping in occasionally on the weekends, and limeade really keep me sane ‘n motivated. i don’t know what your trick is, but you gotta do what you gotta do. once upon a time they told me i was schizophrenic, then i was bipolar, then i had major depressive disorder, all in a matter of a few weeks, and mostly because of some aftereffects of a crazy fungitown experience. questions like ‘do you hear voices’ are just unfair! i have sooo so many ideas for the future and things i could do, so let’s hope one or two of them work out ha ha hahaahhaahaaa………….nothing productive is coming to mind right now. sleep beckons. but so does macaroni and peas?

i did and did not realize you could search on google and find my blogcetera. kind of exciting. the whole world could know my most intimate thoughts and feelings. i like that in the end.
and that doesn’t make me any more likely to do my homework right now like i should.
i drove to NJ today to visit with the Fresh Cut Salads who are currently mixin n masterin their second album that will famousize them.
it was a nice day out and i enjoyed music and dancing all the way there, and i realized that life is good and i have a possibulful future out there. emotions are funny things. being a woman + being emotional equals doubly keepin it interesting. april 1st marks the anniversary of the day my ‘craziness’ started last year. in a few days time it will be my one year anniversary with the first visit to loonybin#1. i remember in it, they told me not to call it the ‘loony bin’ but i did anyway because i take it positively. in fact, that’s my favorite name for mental hospitals.
if you can have a midlife/quarterlife crisis without going to a loony bin i’d recommend that just because it’s expensive, even with insurance. ha!
everyone has got to find their own coping skills. good friends and beloveds are the best way, journaling is nice, therapy can help, in my opinion prescribed drugs should be kept to a minimum and last resort, recreational substance ab/use is something that should be outgrown after your teen/early20years. ha.
yes. i speak like i know but no these are just my thoughts. indeed i am a little sad today/right now, just because life can be lonely in a way. i think even when i’m married i might still get lonely, however!, i think it will be different and not as often as these angsty young adult years when you’re working out whatever identity issues you had leftover from adolescence and you still haven’t met ‘the one’. ha. i do believe there are more than just ‘the ones’. you just have to find someone you’re crazy mad insane in love with and vow to both make it work and to love each other, marriage, and your mutual goals. i hope this happens to me before i hit the third decade of my life.
it’s also exciting to put things on the internet and in a way they could be there for quite some time, maybe even forever. qui sait?

i should either sleep or do work, right? today i did realize it should be pretty cool to have a ‘masters’ by next summer if i persist.

my hair smells like friendship and last night i had a party with friendship peeps and i really enjoyed reconnecting with them and remembering why i love them. i should hang out with everybody a lot more.

alright you beautiful people i must move on for now though i could write morever.