Hip-hop, Running, Hot Sauce

Things are good. Really good. Yes, it would be easy for me to say that because I went to the Bahamas for almost a week! But I am headed back to school tomorrow and am still finishing up a bunch of planning and grading. What changed is the feelings I have heading back into school after a break. I actually feel relaxed, and not that nervous. Even though I did procrastinate, I did a great job working today because a) I knew I had to, b) I had some power and energy from break, and c) my life has changed. Just take a look at this pic of me:

Maybe I’ll get more up, maybe I won’t. I do care a lot about blogging, and want to create a wonderful blog, but school takes up SO much of my time. It just does. And then the other stuff in life. Like accomplishing things.

Over the vacation, my “accomplishments” were relaxing, sitting by the pool and/or beautiful ocean, and connecting and having fun! These are not things I normally see as big achievements, but they were!

My mind really has changed. Usually I’m extremely anxious, depressed, and doing anything but preparing to go back as it gets closer to going back.

This time, I think the vacation was so relaxing and wonderful, and the thought processes and reflections I had while there, have helped me recognize that in the grand scheme of things, everything is really quite great. Sure, I might not feel very well-prepared for tomorrow, but it will come and go quickly, and then I’ll be back in work mode. And I’m sure the students won’t be in the best shape as far as working goes. Games- I’m lucky to teach a foreign language for that reason.

I have a lot of further insights into what went on, and why it was so wonderful, and some of it is personal, some of it people might not be able to relate to- but that’s what a blog is for, right? Sharing your own subjective experience of life and your encounters?

I have so much to share. The overwhelming desire to have more flexibility in my work schedule is still a persistent push in my mind, but, alas, WHAT IT IS. This is the way it is, and it’ll do for now. And I’ll enjoy it.

It’s been a while since I blogged, so I could get wordy, but I’ll try not to. I’m just so happy, and appreciative of life these days. Of course new love is something that makes everything seem better, but this love is a realistic and tender relationship that has helped me open my eyes, appreciate my life more, and change my perspective in a lasting way.

A wise man once said, “It’s your mind that needs to change, not the things it deals with”. We’re always saying “When this happens, this…”, focusing on how good things would be once…whatever change happened that may not ever happen. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.

For me, a great challenge has been learning how to appreciate my job more, and to realize that I really do like a lot of parts of it. And no matter what happens in the coming years with it (if I stay or go), I’m doing it right now, so I’ve been figuring out ways to make the dread of planning and grading more tolerable.

It’s a change in perspective that’s really made the difference.

As I said, new love is a great remedy for everything, helping you see the world through “rose-colored glasses”, but I’m happy to see that this love is more than just a “falling in love”. I read in a book on philosophy that if you “rise in love” instead of “falling”, then you can come into a state of love, and then you won’t end up falling out of love. It’s more complex than that, but that’s the idea I’ve kept in mind as I go through this relationship.

I’m not usually one to blog about my intimate, personal life like this, but this applies to my whole life, and since everyone just wants to be loved, that’s what I’m aiming to do. Love more, and bring more love into my life, into my being. That’s something everyone can do on their own, whether they have a “love” in their life or not, and if you don’t, well, you never know what might happen…I didn’t see this coming.

I am actually involved with a lot more positive feelings than I would have thought, coming into the final hours of my Christmas holiday vacation from teaching. It’s over, as in, I really oughta already be asleep. However, I am having 82% fewer bad feelings and thoughts than usual.

It is gonna SUCK @#$%^ getting up so early tomorrow, especially because I gave up coffee for a New Years’ resolution. Mmm, coffee.

But the no coffee thing has gone alright these past few days, besides me being tired and on a weird schedule involving too much sleep (store it up!). And I guess it’ll all get back on track eventually.

And other things are great. Even my attitude about teaching has changed, somewhat. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow, but I’m hoping I can bring some of the ethics of Zen-ness into the classroom, and to be relaxed, but authoritative, so the kids behave ok and don’t resent me.

I’m not sure how I really feel about the whole getting up so early all of the time thing, as far as my ability to do it in coming years, but I just don’t think it’s gonna be okay for much longer. That said, I didn’t do much over break to think of other options, but, I am glad that my life attitude changed. I feel heavily inspired, but cannot expound on this at this time, leaving all of my loyal blog readers forlorn, je sais.

In conclusion, enjoy breaks while you get them, and recognize that life keeps going on, and soon enough…Spring Break! hahahaha

Yeah! Had the best New Years Eve I’ve had in a LONG time. Rang in the new year at a wedding with a bunch of people I really like. And I feel very inspired, and hopeful for this year. 2009 was rough in a lot of ways. Personal struggles dealing with family issues and a lot of other stuff. A few deaths, including a friend I’d only known for a little while, and the secretary at my school, all lead me to realize how precious and fragile life is. But really this time.

Like, I will not forget that I have to prioritize and also not be too anxious about things. I need to let go and trust that if I put in a fair amount of effort, things will go well, or at least the way they’re meant to? I am in a new relationship! It’s crazy good, and I could not have really predicted it 2 months ago. So, I don’t like to say too much about my personal life, but I am thrilled about not making conclusions and not looking too far ahead.

Well, I will be looking ahead, to an amazing future, created moment by aware moment in the present. I have 2 New Years’ Resolutions.

1) Get Money.

2) No Coffee.

The second one is hard, but I figure it will work itself out eventually. The first is something I will need to be determined about. And creative, using all the available resources I have, and more. I’ll get into this all at some point in the near future, for now, I’m falling asleep due to the lack of number 2.

Can’t stop listening to questionable rap music. It’s better than what’s on repeat on the radio, but, that said. I wonder about myself sometimes.

To share, I’d like you to consider these songs:

50 Cent – Baby by Me featuring Ne-Yo

Why? It’s hilarious to hear 50cent talking about settling down, because if you had a baby by him, you’d really only be s#$%!ed. Terrible lyrics, wonderful refrain, beautiful beats.

Ludacris – Saturday

Love everything about Ludacris, I don’t know why. This video is kinda stupid, kinda hilarious. The song is PURE GENIUS. Oooh oooh! I got into watching it because of the Whistle Tips guy and a remake from that

Snoop Dogg- Drop it like it’s hot featuring Pharell

I like the earnest look of the kid playing drums, Snoop’s driving dance move, the clicking, and the piano rift. And of course, snooooooowhoop! Any time Snoop dances is amazing, really.

I could go on and on with the bad songs I like, but maybe they’re not that bad. Some parts of them are, but some parts of me are too. ha. At least it’s not “Birthday Sex” I’m hooked on.

Erykah Badu has a shirt that says that. I want it. I want one like it. Might I be able to make one myself? I’m not sure. I think I would. Perhaps soon. Twould be good. Things are good. I am certain of it.

Life is good. I need some pics from Christmas. They’re on my phone, but I have not recently found my camera, at all.

I will give you more info about this wonderfulness called life in a few days. I need to be patient. I also am aiming to get some stuff done. I wanted to be “productive” and then had to stop and ponder what this “productivity” I was envisioning really was.

It’s not in this blog, it’s not on twitter or my FB log, it’s not in the internet tubes, it’s not in having bigger boobs. It’s found in loving all the people around, making good sounds, and being enough to astound yourself by correctly flowing the universe’s good energy. I mean, maybe I drank a little too much Christmas spirit, but I think the times are a changin’.

The Lord is Good. I have seen a lot of great stuff recently, maybe that’s just my focus changing because I am in an exciting place. What’s so new and exciting? Nothing, really, just I feel free and unlimited in potential for things to come. Stuff I will do/make, people I will interact with, life-changing isht I’m talkin.

My birthday was spectacular. Amazing. It started off good, got great, had a lull, then got better, and really culminated in a wonderful party with lots of loved friends and family. Just like life should be. I also got a few gifts and some quality adult beverages. I gave an impromptu speech, which was a little miss, a bit more hit. People played charades in my kitchen. There was some extreme yoga on an exercise ball. Some crazy stuff went on.

And I felt good. Not old, not unloved. Quite the contrary. Okay, I do feel old, but, I felt so loved it was sick. sic. i’m done with all this positivity for this post, let’s get it out into the world again. one last thing. i was at whole foods yesterday and decided to tell the lady it was my bday, and it turns out her son’s bday is tomorrow and her nephew’s is today- all these people born right near Christmas. that’s special. and it’s great. C-mas spirit is almost always a part of my bday, whether i have it or not, if i so choose, i can see it and exponentiate it.

“the best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud, for all to hear” -Buddy the Elf (what’s your favorite color?)

I wish for so many things. Am I content doing what I’m doing right now? Writing a blog post? Yes. Actually I am happy that I’m doing that. With other stuff? Well…

I did hang out with a friend this evening and it was fun. Good conversation, some thought-provoking ideas, and optimism was involved. There was also that small voice in the back of my head saying, you need to go home and do your work.

But I am SO BAD at doing my work. Meaning, I spend way more time complaining about it, thinking about it, dreading it, or procrastinating, than actually doing it. And if I really focus, I can usually get my planning/grading done quickly.

Does this need to be a constant struggle for me? I think I am in a place in my life where I do genuinely want some more peace and security. I know everything changes. I’ve been thrown for some loops in the past year. Really. But I think that this is not a viable long-term future, even if for 2 or 3 more years.

Luckily I got a book that I started reading and like. It’s about people in their 20’s, specifically women, and the challenges they face today. Unfortunately, I ordered the book from an Amazon seller and it smells smokey, and I do not like that at all.

So I will wait for it to air out a bit, and maybe actually do my work for the evening, after this ever-important blog, and then get some good rest. Because sleep brings tomorrow more quickly, and tomorrow means I am one day closer to Christmas vacation.

I wish for patience, prosperity, and positivity in the present.

I tend to over-think things. And when I actually do get down to planning for teaching, I usually contemplate dozens of different activities and ways I could teach something. I guess over the years it would get better, but at the same time, for now, I cannot get in sync with simplicity and focusing on one activity to choose.

That makes me feel like a student! I’m always telling them to focus.

Simplicity. Not having several blogs I want to write on and feel a need to update and revamp. Instead having just one, or incorporating some of them more fluidly into my daily life.

Giving up my facebook addiction, realizing that social interaction is necessary, but not always at this time in my life.

Making money is important. I’d like to do more of it. I do what I can. I wonder if I’d enjoy a job that got you more money the more work you did. I don’t know. There certainly are perks to a teaching job, and even this one in particular. I do love my job, and I feel very lucky to have it.

As I’ve traveled away from the idea of simplicity, I realize how hard it is to live a simple life in this very technologically advanced, fast-paced world. You gotta keep up.

But you can make choices. Choose what’s important and focus on it. Organize, set goals, and, take your own advice, right, Amandoo!?

It’s a constant choice you make, and remake. It’s something that involves your awareness, and your determination. And after a while, it becomes easy to believe the glass is half-full.

Until it gets knocked over, spilled on the carpet, and the glass breaks.

It’s then that you must remind yourself to look on the bright side:
you didn’t like the glass anyway? you needed a good carpet cleaning? you’re not paying enough attention to something important?

Whatever the case, it’s way to easy to get complacent, and think that you’re set, and forget that you do still have to make choices all the time.

Yes, with time, and repetition, things get easier. But. It’s easy to slip and fall into a pit of despair.

Life is 90% how much you laugh realistically at yourself and 10% not paying attention to statistics.

You can quote me on that.